A woman touches the hem of Jesus’ robes some two millennia ago and the story becomes part of the canon of Christianity as a story that demonstrates faith. A woman tries to touch the Pope in 2009 and is condemned as mentally unstable.
I’m not fan of religion at the best of times, but this story exemplifies the gross hypocrisy of organised religion. It’s no more than the exercise in mind-control over the terminally superstitious, and being pattern recognising animals, humans are condemned for eternity to see the hand of God in everything from a piece of toast to a cloud.
Feed a dog and it thinks you are a god; feed a cat and it thinks it is a god. Why can't we be more like cats?
Here we are – Christmas Day once again. Merry Christmas everyone. May you smile frequently, laugh often and live life to the full in 2010.
The Caravans have a turkey that came with a little red push-pin gadget. When the turkey is cooked the red dot in the middle pops out. A neat idea that must be based on a simple thermocouple. Saves you having to keep opening the oven and stabbing the bird to see if the juices run clear.
Forgot to mention; at our work Christmas lunch we were using Chinese Christmas crackers. I was amused to discover than on the reverse of the paper joke slip were the safety instructions, which could obviously only be read after using them.
One of my sons’ Christmas presents hasn’t shown up, despite it having been ordered as long ago as the 21st November. It did have to come all the way from China though. It’s some kind of iPod thing.
Talking of computers, it would appear that Hwelett Packard computers are racist. Face recognition software in the on-board cameras do not recognise our non-reflective brethren. See the video below for the details.
We were watching The Chronicles of Narnia on TV yesterday afternoon. Hay happened to mention the Christian allegory of the story and that CS Lewis had discovered God at the time of writing it. I disagreed that he ever had an atheistic period, as once you have been touched by the power of the sheer rationality of atheism, there’s simply no going back. Hay agreed, commenting that most believers lose their religiosity through a feeling of abandonment when God has let them down during particularly tough times. From this position there is still a path back to belief when the omens improve and things get better. Those having chosen atheism from a rationalist and analytical intellectual perspective have no return path to superstition, as they never felt abandoned by God in the first place. For we atheists shit just happens and we don’t attribute bad (or good) fortune to the supernatural.
I must say that the film’s use of centaurs as cavalry is inspired, as they never fall off their horses, have two hands available for combat and have no horse’s head obstructing their lunges. Phoenixes are handy allies too, although as everyone knows they do not burst into flame spontaneously as portrayed in the film. The aerial support provided by the griffons was a good strategic move; however, charging into a level field of combat when you have the advantage of the high ground shows Peter’s lack of strategic appreciation.
Talking lions is just silly though. And as for replacing one monarchy for another, that’s not really a good idea – the creatures of Narnia should have replaced the White Witch with the Democratic Republic of Narnia. Bad democratic leaders can be gotten rid of at the next election, whereas it takes just one bad monarch and the whole thing turns to poo.
Skandar Keynes, who plays Edmund in the film adaptation, is rather well connected. On his father's side, he is the great-great-great grandson of Charles Darwin, through whom he is descended from Thomas Howard, 3rd Duke of Norfolk (uncle to both Queen Anne Boleyn and Queen Catherine Howard) therefore making him distantly related to Queen Elizabeth I and King Edward I. Keynes is the great-great nephew of the economist John Maynard Keynes and the nephew of the historian and Cambridge professor Simon Keynes. He is related to the poet Ruth Padel and, through his ancestral connection to the Wedgwood family, to socialist politician Tony Benn. Through his great-grandmother, Hester Adrian, Baroness Adrian – the wife of Nobel Prize laureate Edgar Adrian, 1st Baron Adrian – he is also related to the Scottish philosopher David Hume.
While the Narnian universe is interesting, it is not as logically or internally consistent as Tolkien’s Middle Earth. I therefore put Tolkien streets (or multiverses) ahead of CS Lewis. Although a devout Catholic, Tolkien would have made a good atheist had he seen the light.
We’re off to Cornwall tomorrow and we don’t have internet access, so I’ll bid you all adieu for a week or so.
Something weird is happening to my eyesight – it actually seems to be improving with age. I’ve taken to wearing my new varifocals on the end of my nose for distance viewing as a result, as I can invariably see better without them. Must be a blood pressure thing.
Volvo is to be sold to the Chinese. I guess they’ll all start chucking out shed-loads of black fumes now, come with acres of shiny red plastic for seat material and smell vaguely of 5 spice or MSG. Must get one of those tiny red and gold lanterns to hang from my rear-view mirror.
Our 1,200 vehicle works car park (mainly for AirBus and not the dozen or so assorted scallywags that work at my office) has been closed for several days due to the fact that the build-up of ice on the steeply sloping entrance has rendered the approach a ski slope and you simply can’t get up it. I therefore parked my car in a nearby residential side road having only a slight slope. On approaching the car on Tuesday evening I noticed a thick layer of snow on the windscreen, which was strange as it hadn’t snowed all day. It transpired that a large section of the snow on the roof had slid glacier-like down from the roof and deposited itself on the windscreen during the day.
On the way home I had to brake at a set of traffic lights. Suddenly the remaining snow on the roof phaloomphed off the roof onto the windscreen, completely blocking my vision in the process. Had this occurred with a car in front of me I would definitely have had a disastrous collision of immense and dire proportions. Let this be a lesson to all that you should remove all snow from your car roof, as the migration of heat from the interior will loosen it, making it extremely unstable and a danger not only to you, but also to passing polar bears.
Why are we in England so spectacularly bad at coping with a few inches of snow? Because the cost of 100% preparedness is prohibitive, that’s why. We are affected maybe one winter in three, and then only for a couple of weeks - max. It’s a simple cost versus benefit calculation.
In August 2009, David Milliband (the current Foreign Secretary) was a guest on BBC Radio 4's Great Lives programme, choosing South African politician Joe Slovo. Milliband stated during the programme, in a response to a question about terrorism, that, "Yes there are circumstances in which it is justifiable and yes there are circumstances in which it is effective, but it is never effective on its own." These comments attracted considerable censure from senior political figures. I’ll tell you what though, he’s right about it being justifiable in certain circumstances. If not, then the French Resistance and all the other WWII resistance movements were wrong. I guess it’s right if you’re one of the resistance, but wrong if you’re not. A very subjective judgement.
I was listening on the radio to the mother of a soldier who had been killed in Iraq. She was complaining that Milliband had not apologised to her personally for the death of her son. Well, Milliband didn’t kill her son – some Iraqi did. Yes, Milliband may have sent him to Iraq, but her son signed up knowing the risks. In no way can Milliband be held responsible. She said that the war was not worth the death of her son, but then the Falklands war was equally futile and it could be argued that WWII and WWI were not really our affairs either. No war is really justified and is merely, as Clausewitz stated, the continuation of politics by other means. Some people are unfortunate enough to get caught up in the front line, but no-one is forcing them (currently). Mothers and fathers, however, understandably need someone to blame and rage against so as to make sense of the loss. The media knows this and cynically manipulates them.
A sad note on which to end on Christmas Eve.
A parting bit of wisdom: what other people think of you is none of your business.
Chairman (speaking to Vodafone Support): “Every time I use my Nokia mobile as a modem from my PC and try to get on the Interweb, I get the message SUBSCRIBE TO PACKET DATA FIRST.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Reconfigure your settings to such and such.”
Chairman: “Are you sure? I suspect it’s a network setting, hence the SUBSCRIBE TO PACKET DATA FIRST message.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Yes, definitely.”
Later…..
Chairman (speaking to Vodafone Support): “Every time I use my Nokia mobile as a modem from my PC and try to get on the Interweb, I get the message SUBSCRIBE TO PACKET DATA FIRST. The previous guy told me to change my settings and it hasn’t worked. I think it’s a network setting.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Reconfigure your settings to such and such.”
Chairman: “Are you sure? I’m certain it’s a network setting. The message is a bit of a give-away.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Yes, definitely.”
Later still….
Chairman (speaking to Vodafone Support): “Every time I use my Nokia mobile as a modem from my PC and try to get on the Interweb, I get the message SUBSCRIBE TO PACKET DATA FIRST. The previous two cretins in Vodafone’s employ who I spoke to told me to change my configuration settings and it hasn’t worked – not that I expected it to. They probably expect pay rises this year. I really, really think it’s a network setting.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Yes, it’s definitely a network setting. Just let me subscribe you to packet data. There - try again in 5 minutes.”
Chairman: “You seem to be the only bugger there who knows what he’s talking about.”
Vodafone Tech Support Person: “Thank you.”
Chairman: “Is it too much to hope that this conversation is being recorded for training purposes?”
Every conceivable bugger I’ve every bought anything from on-line and every recruitment site that has my details is bombarding my mailbox with unwanted Christmas greetings. I wouldn’t mind if they were sincere, but my e-mail address is just one among hundreds of thousands and it pisses me off more than that Jordan (the model, not the country) phoning me every week and pestering me for a deep and meaningful relationship and asking me to come round for some bush tucker (at least that’s what I thought she said).
There’s a report in the Daily Mail (where else) that a judge has said wife-beaters should be publicly pelted with rotten fruit and vegetables. What a preposterous and ridiculous idea. You tell me exactly where, in these days of sell-by dates and public health concerns, one is meant to purchase rotten fruit and veg?
We cooked some spuds in the new wood burner last night – delicious. Will have to get a range for the house when it’s finished.
Have you heard Parachute by Timothy B Schmit – ex member of Poco and The Eagles? Click on the link and play the track - pure Dad music with a fantastic air guitar solo. It’s so CSNY, but that’s not surprising as Graham Nash contributes heavily to the track.
Hay and I were talking about the Rage Against The Machine phenomenon. She’s of the opinion that it’s no more than a bunch of people sticking two fingers up at nothing in particular – which makes it very analogous to mindless graffiti, and not even Banksy graffiti. When all’s said and done the people who bought the X-Factor record bought it because they liked it; those who bought Rage Against The Machine did not necessarily like it one bit.
Who really cares of Simon Cowell dominates the charts at Christmas – he does so because people buy the records of the artists he manages. Simon Cowell is not to blame; people are just very easily manipulated. Manipulation has emerged triumphant on both sides of this little spat; no-one has won a victory that will change anything in a meaningful way. The only change will be that we’ll probably have the same bit of fun next year and it will become a quaint tradition. However, the people who organised this year’s mobfest will have to make the selection again year-after-year, or else there will be no direction on which track to focus the X-Factor counter culture and the effort will fizzle out like a scattergun. Anarchy needs leaders.
However, would we have had the Rolling Stones, Led Zep, Pink Floyd, the Police, CSNY, etc. if the music moguls had ruled the airwaves from ’64 to ’84, as they have done for the last 25 years. Perhaps it’s a warning shot across the bows of the moguls who seem fixated on eliminating edgy music.
The manipulation of perception is much underrated – who, 20 years ago, would have thought people would buy an fragrance called ‘Diesel’? I confidently predict that in within 20 years a large swathe of the population could be CONFIDENTLY wearing a fragrance called ‘Shit’.
Yesterday I was listening to the Chief Executive of Eurostar being interviewed several times over the day. For those from abroad, the Channel Tunnel Eurostar service was disrupted over the weekend due to bad weather and unforeseen problems with electronics malfunctioning in extreme conditions. Radio interviewers are increasingly becoming populist and very combative. It’s almost as if an apology is no longer acceptable and people who makes mistakes need to be publicly flogged in the town square or bunged into the Big Brother House for public humiliation. Failure to predict every conceivable scenario is no longer an option in public service. I’m not comfortable with this and it’s symptomatic of an intolerant society. It’s a replacement for gladiatorial contests, bear baiting, dog fighting and cock fighting.
Talking of which, the leaders of the major British political parties have agreed to a round of televised public debates in the lead up to the General Election. I vote for putting them in the Big Brother House, or Political X-Factor – which has already been mooted by Simon Cowell. The latter option is the only way in which you’d conceivably get me to watch anything with Simon Cowell's name attached to it.
Woke to a 6 inch carpet of snow and the sound of lorries backing down the road as they discover they can’t get enough traction to climb the hill up to the A46. Until the snow clears, Old Sodbury will be filled with bewildered lorry drivers seeking shelter and sustenance. A veritable land of the living dead.
Someone local was letting off a barrage of fireworks last night. I guess it must be that quaint old English festival of Diwali. No doubt it will soon go the way of Maypoles and Morris Dancing.
There was an article in yesterday’s Sunday Times about alcohol now being cheaper than bottled water in many supermarkets. Self-appointed busybodies want the price of alcohol increased because of this. Rather than worrying about the low cost of alcohol, I’d be up in arms and protesting about the ridiculously high cost of simple water!
Fun run. How the devil did that name evolve? There’s nothing remotely funny or fun about torturing oneself running. Just look at the faces of the people doing these so-called fun runs.
I see Rage Against The Machine has made the Xmas No.1. This spontaneous public reaction against corporate greed and the monolithic pop culture is laudable, but it’s somewhat ironic to find Rage Against The Machine are signed to Epic Records, which is part of the monolithic Sony BMG, the same monolithic label as McElderry, the X-Factor winner. There’s simply no escaping the corporate grasp – even if you attempt to thwart its plans, you’re still swelling its coffers.
Hay and I fitted the new multi-fuel stove yesterday. Never been so warm! We had to leave the doors and windows open to clear the acrid fumes from the paint (the stove enamel has to cure on new stoves), and still the caravan was warm as toast. Banked it up at 11:30 pm and it was still belting out heat at 4 am. Despite it putting out twice the heat of the old pot-bellied job, we’re actually burning less wood as the burn is now controlled. Best buy ever for the caravan and highly recommended.
Couldn’t open my car door this morning. Blew into the lock to try and free it of ice and nearly ended up going to work on the bus with a Volvo stuck to my lips. Went back to the caravan, brought the dregs of my morning tea out and sloshed it over the lock, which freed it admirably.
The Chairman’s interminable round of Christmas parties, gallery openings, PR launches, film premieres and road range incidents start today; however, such is the lot of an international star like myself – jet-setting to Birkenhead, Dover, Salisbury and Hayle.
Got our works Christmas lunch at the Boar’s Head in Aust today– just under the start of the old Severn bridge on the M48 (the civilised side). Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? If the reviews are anything to go by then it should be a good venue. I don’t expect to return to the office till Monday – if then.
Hay and I were discussing Christmas songs last night. Here’s our top 10:
Motorhead’s superb “Twinke Twinke Little Flame Thrower”,
The Prodigy’s memorable “Light a Christmas Tube Train”,
Led Zep’s immortal “Battle of Palestine”,
Deep Purple’s poignant “Silent Black Night”,
The Sex Pistos’ jokey “Chestnuts Roasting By The Open Pyre”,
The Jackson 5’s ironic “White Christmas”,
Toto’s vibrant “Hold The Pine”,
The Pogues’ allegorical “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”,
Leonard Cohen’s apposite “In The Bleak Midwinter”,
Velvet Underground’s mystical “Good King Wenceslaus”.
If anyone gets the connection for No 10, then please respond. Perhaps I’m not the only one who thinks tangentially. Actually, if any fox you then get back to me. There is a logic to all of them.
A few posts ago I said that the best ever invention would be something that converted the thoughts of severely disabled people, such as those with locked-in-syndrome, into words, allowing them to communicate with the outside world. Seems scientists are nearly there.
British Airways cabin crew, the best paid in the UK airline business, are about to go on strike. BA stock has negative value and the company hasn’t paid a dividend in umpteen years. BA has been described as a pension deficit (£3.7bn) with an airline attached. BA posted a pre-tax loss of £401m last year and is on course to lose around £600m this year. Should BA go belly-up, as it undoubtedly will if this strike goes ahead, what becomes of the pensioners and the pension contributions of the staff who are about to walk out? Talk about turkeys voting for Christmas – this is simply suicide.
My friend George from Down Under sent me this yesterday. It’s for all gingaphobes.
How’s this for a Christmas card?
My ‘brother-in-law’ Perry, for want of a better name (brother-in-law, not Perry), set up his camera on a tripod in the garden on a long exposure. Hay’s sister, Michelle, then took two lit sparklers and very quickly wrote Merry Christmas in the air. They then used the resultant image to make Christmas cards for all their family and friends. Neat idea, isn’t it? Apparently it took them several attempts to get it right. If you look closely at the right hand side of the image you can just make out a ghostly face above the final S of Christmas. ‘Shell called the picture ‘Playing With Fire’. That’s what you get when you cross an artist with a photographer.
We’ve ordered a larger wood burner so we don’t have to keep stoking up with wood every 30 minutes - it has a proper door instead of a 5 inch hole, meaning it will accept whole logs. It has the added advantage of being multi-fuel. Hopefully it will arrive today and we should have it installed by next week. It’s my Christmas present to us both. Well worth the £320.
The building progresses apace and we now have the scalpings filling the mud bath inside the house walls. Bricks have arrive for a 3 or 4 tier layer, following which we’ll call it a day until the weather warms up.
Feel like having a go at climate change sceptics? The Daily Express yesterday published a list of 100 reasons why climate change is a natural phenomenon. I wouldn’t mind, but most of the so-called ‘reasons’ have bugger all to do with the causes of climate change. Read this rebuttal in the New Scientist. It’s an excellent example of why you shouldn’t allow journalists – especially bad ones - to inform your choices.
