Overheard at Sainsbury's Doing Homework

The Chairman, No. 1 Son, Hay and her dad are at the local Sainsbury supermarket:

Hay's Dad (aka Caravan): "I'm looking for one of those things that takes the air our of a part-drunk bottle of wine to stop it going off."

No. 1 Son: "Dad prefers something that takes the wine out of a part-drunk bottle of wine to stop it going off - he calls it a mouth."

No.1 son is reading out his history homework:

No. 1 Son: "And the Japanese view was ..... I can't read this - good grief, my writing is so neat now that I can't even read it anymore!"

Overheard in Aldi

The Chairman and Hayley are in the Aldi supermarket checkout. 

Hayley: “Can you quickly run and get one of those frozen turkey crowns – they’re excellent value and tasty?” 

3 minutes later. 

Chairman: “There aren’t any.” 

Hayley: “I don’t believe you.” 

Chairman: “Go and check yourself.” 

3 minutes later 

Chairman: “Told you so - you didn’t believe me.” 

Hayley: “Of course not!” 

Chairman: “Why?” 

Hayley: “Well, what do you expect after the prawn fiasco?”

Political Hypocrisy

The level of ignorance of some sections of the British population never ceases to amaze me.

Yesterday I was reading some of the BBC News website comments about Stephen Hester’s £963k bonus. For a start, most of those expressing righteous indignation were under the impression that this guy was responsible for RBS’ collapse – they’d obviously never heard of “Fred the Shred”, nor that Hester was put in place to turn RBS around, which he seems to be doing.

Many lamented their paltry salary when compared with that of Hester – but not the comparative levels of responsibility, which makes their comparisons somewhat asinine.

Some went as far as to say he should be paid the equivalent of a nurse, in which case we’d any old Tom, Dick or Harry running our nationalised bank, with an application list as long as a queue comprising most of the working population of the UK. We could additionally say bye-bye to the £45bn RBS owes us.

Yet others were decrying the fact he got this bonus while making several thousand people redundant – well, how the hell does one turn an operation from making a loss to making a profit without getting rid of some people? It’s a bank, for God’s sake, not a workers’ co-operative. Even charities make people redundant in hard times.

The fact is that this bank went from losing £1.6bn a year to making 2bn – that is quite a transformation. It still, however, owes us £45bn. Fine – put a monkey in charge and pay him or her peanuts, but then don’t ever expect the £45bn to be repaid.

All the while, politicians of every hue are cynically scapegoating Hester for a contract they either oversaw or failed to regulate. I’m heartily sick of the hypocrisy of politicians and the knee-jerk reactions of union bosses.

Overheard in Davos

No.1 Son: "Children don't cost that much - it's just food, water and clothes."

Chairman: "What about vet's bills? Hayley - have we arranged for him to be neutered yet?"

They're holding some economic mega-forum, where the fate if the universe will be decided on the basis of astrology, in a place called Davos. The place just sounds incredibly evil, doesn't it?

Talking of money, the political parties are busy blaming each other for the £1m bonus that the Royal Bank of Scotland Boss is to contractually receive. At the same time, he's being told he needs to: "Think like a public servant who has a duty to his country, not just his own wealth." I guess that means he should go on strike.

Pointless in Scotland

Those little coats for dogs; what the hell is the point?

If they came with pockets where dogs could keep their loose change, smoking implements and condoms then fine, but otherwise they are totally useless in the British climate - arguably in any climate. It may have escaped some dog owners, but most animals come with built-in coats.

Just because you're a bit chilly, it doesn't mean to say your pooch is. More than likely he will be highly embarrassed in front of his mates with one of these daft coats on.

The chap above's doggy kilt reminds me that Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, has set out the question he intends to ask voters in a referendum on independence. While I firmly believe people should be democratically free to vote for whatever they desire, my own question would be: "Why?"

Reading this analysis of the benefits, it seems to me that the key benefit is 4,500 more jobs for politicians and the like - and I'd call that more a drain than a possible benefit.  This would be off-set by an additional 7,000 private sector jobs - and they'd need at least that many to fund the first 4,500. Like hosting the Olympics, independence is something that's driven more by bare emotion than logic - Salmond knows that and plays to it.

I could understand it if the drive for independence was driven by a memory of independence, but the last time the place was independent was 300 years ago, and the Scots are not exactly an oppressed minority. Silly, blatant jingoism.

New Job

The ex captain of the Costa Concordia, Francesco Schettino, started his new job as a bus driver yesterday.

Thanks to my mate Phil for this.

Human Shields on Sepia Tuesday in Holland

The bishops are saying the coalition government must ensure that the proposed benefit cap doesn't put children into poverty. While I agree, methinks a small number of feckless parents who have never worked  hide behind a human shield of tens of children.

Following from Sunday's post (and Alan Burnett's suggestion that I might be joining Sepia Saturday), I've posted another photo received from my Dutch cousin in France.

This one shows me with (left to right) cousins Joopie, Nan (who sent me the photo and is the elder sister of Joop), Henny and my elder brother Jan. It must have been taken in around 1957, possibly in Vlaardingen (on the outskirts of Rotterdam).

Only one Dutch cousin is missing - the other Joopie, Henny's younger brother.

My brother was originally also called Joopie (the diminutive of Joop - short for Johannes), but on moving to the UK my mother changed it to his 2nd forename of Jan (after my dad), as the kids at school kept calling him Dopey Joopie.

Unbalanced Advertising

I hear that following the PIP breast implant debacle, the plastic surgeons' professional body wants to stop the advertising of 2 for 1s. 

I trust they are not referring to breast implants, where I would expect a client would be offered 2 for 1 as standard. 

Dutch Cousins

I have been talking via FaceBook to my long-lost Dutch cousin who has lived in France for many years. She and I have shared some family history - specifically photos. She has some I had never seen and I have some she had never seen. 

We're going to arrange a family reunion of the English, Dutch and French contingents over the next 12 months. 

This one is one she gave me and is of my grandfather and grandmother - or opa and oma. Opa was born in 1882 and died in 1947.

Salad Days in Irish Chipping Sodbury

I'm really impressed by Israeli wines. They don't go in for bulk production, being mainly made by small, boutique vineyards. Being limited in production they aren't cheap, but of exceedingly good quality.

I can particularly recommend last night's libation - Binyamina Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon 2007, which accompanied my lamb kebabs and roasted vegetables. 

Having starved since the previous night, I ordered what was shown on the menu as lamb kebabs with salad, thinking it would be just a small dish. Wasn't expecting the feast that came. Only managed about half of it before feeling fully sated.

A hideously healthy concoction of seared egg plant with tahini, a very nice avocado and garlic dip, a platter of roasted peppers, sweet potato and fennel, marinated sweet peppers, marinated tomatoes, deep-fried potatoes and bread to die for. Total bill, 139 Shekels, or £23.68, including the half bottle of wine.

Eat an Israeli salad and you'll never touch a Greek salad again; a plethora of different compositions, each having multiple, complex layers of flavours and comprising a cornucopia of vegetables. Greek salads are quite pedestrian and bland by comparison. 

Israeli food has so many influences; Mediterranean, Arab, Ethiopian, eastern European, Berber and western European - as many as the peoples that came together to forge Israel.

Talking of food, Hay and I are attending an Irish-themed (don't ask) Chipping Sodbury Yacht Club Burns Night dinner on Saturday evening. Dress is meant to be a melange of Scots and Irish, but I don't have anything suitable. Thinking of going in a DJ and tarting up my travel bum-bag as a make-shift sporran. It promises to be a raucous night, and if you know Chipping Sodbury Yacht Club, you'll know why - a condition of membership is that you cannot own a boat or have pretensions to becoming a member of a real yacht club. The annual regatta held on the river Frome (a stream at best and a puddle in droughts) is a sight to behold.