Absence

I have to apologise for my absence since last Monday. The fall and crack on the head I sustained at the end of June resulted in a bilateral subdural haematoma, which didn't manifest itself till a week last Friday, resulting in blinding headaches, vertigo and vomiting.

Last Monday I was taken to Southmead hospital in Bristol where I had my bonce shaved and was fitted with four brain drains to relieve the pressure. I had to wear bags dangling from pipes into my head for a couple of days before having them removed on Thursday. I was finally discharged yesterday and have to take it easy for a couple of weeks.

The bags were a pain and sleeping with them on was a nightmare - every time I rolled over I risked squashing them and an explosion of tomato sauce all over the bed.

My care was first class, although the same can't be said of the hospital food which, for the most part, was tasteless and inedible. I must have lost a stone while there.

Breakfast was a choice of either a small bowl of cereal or a single slice of cold toast. I asked the HCA whether I could expect eggs or bacon during my stay, to which she responded; "Tomorrow," but she was joking, as I found out the next day. Most of the food remained untouched.

I stress tested the system on my final night by ordering a take-away pizza and having it delivered to the main entrance, from where a very kind Health Care Assistant collected it for me. It worked and I gorged myself on a rather delicious and substantial pepperoni pizza, with enough left over for breakfast on Saturday morning. I offered her a slice, but she declined.

I have sutures in my head that will be removed on Tuesday, providing I can get an appointment with my local Practice Nurse; however, failing that, Hay is quite capable of removing them.

When I was moved from the neuro ward to the general surgery recovery ward, one of the private rooms (they're virtually all private rooms - 960 of them) contained a patient with dementia. He was continually screaming due to his undoubted distress. Nothing the staff could do would comfort him and the screaming would continue to well pas midnight. There was nothing that could be done due to the scarcity of beds and the Covid situation - it was heart-breaking. While sequestering him in a soundproof room, had one been available, would have relived the other patients of the noise, it would have done nothing for him and possibly made him worse. It's one of those things you simply have to accept if you're in hospital.

Another elderly patient had a habit of continually pressing his alarm buzzer for no reason whatsoever, stressing out the staff no end and who had enough to do already. Selfish bastard! We seem to have a large number of such self-entitled individuals in the country at present.

At least I now have a buzz-cut, which I've been wanting for a while now. Thinking of putting my comb on the market through eBay...