Recliner

We tend to watch TV channels that old people seem to favour - Quest, U & Yesterday, PBS America. The reason we know that old people favour them is that they're full of adverts for funeral plans, mobility scooter and recliners.

The recliner is a piece of furniture that promises comfort but looking like it was stolen from a retired uncle’s 1960s den or a closing-down pub. Recliners, it seems, are forever trapped in a peculiar design purgatory, somewhere between practical living room furniture and Father Jack chair. You know the look - overstuffed arms that bulge like they’re smuggling pillows and upholstery patterns reminiscent of a pint-sodden pub floor at last orders. It's less "luxury relaxation" and more "guess who’s banned from IKEA?"

Manufacturers will tell you these designs are timeless classics, which is furniture-speak for we’ve been flogging this same ugly chair since the Cold War. It’s as if they believe no one in the 21st century wants to recline unless surrounded by swirling paisley patterns that make you feel like you’ve had one too many lagers. Heaven forbid they make a chair that doesn’t look like it comes with its own wood-panelled backdrop and a faint whiff of stale crisps.

And the names! The Regal Recliner, The Prestige Lounger, or - most laughable of all - The Urban Chic. There is nothing urban, chic, or regal about a chair that looks like it moonlights as a prop from Rising Damp. Somewhere, there must be a secret meeting of recliner designers who are steadfastly committed to keeping modernity at bay. “Shall we try a minimalist design this year?” one might ask. “No,” another replies firmly, “add more buttons and tufting. People love tufting.”

The good news is that a few brave designers have finally started producing recliners that look as if they belong in a home and not a themed pub. But beware - those often cost as much as a small car. So for now, most of us are left to choose between comfort and dignity. Just remember: no one can judge your recliner’s upholstery if they’re too busy enjoying the perfect angle of your footrest.