Toner, Halloween & X-Factor

So, we’re going to be forbidden to carry toner cartridges in our airline hand luggage now; how will we survive without our toner cartridges on long-haul flights? Mind you, have you ever opened up one of those things? They make an awful mess so it’s not surprising they are to be banned – imagine one of those going off in a small space – the mayhem, the filth!

Yesterday Hay was having a chat with Cat (who just so happens to be black) about Halloween. Cat was saying that it’s her busiest time of the year and each year is becoming increasingly hectic, what with having to see all the local crones, making personal appearances at numerous Halloween events, etc.

Cat fears that the Trick or Treat business is getting out of hand and this pernicious and tacky American tradition is fast becoming a permanent fixture in the UK, especially with the Metro Trendies, who seem more susceptible to the adoption of strange foreign ways than we simple country folk who perform quaint rites, such as the burning of a wicker man filled with ne’re do wells and outlanders - or, if a suitable delinquent can’t be found, the odd townie foraged during a 2nd home raid, or possibly someone who dares to marry outside his or her immediate family.

When I was a kid Halloween was called Mischief Night and we would go out engaging in innocent, harmless fun, such as swapping people’s garden gates over, artfully nailing neighbours’ pets to barn doors or embalming stray children who were out too late. Never a thought of being bought off with sweets though – it would have spoiled the fun and spontaneity, not to say the intimidatory fear factor on the elderly.

There is another strange, yet welcome, social phenomenon occurring of late – voting for the worst act on X-Factor. Previous attacks on manufactured reality programme ‘stars’ have focused on rigging the Xmas music charts by the mass buying of old tracks from established stars, co-ordinated through social media such as Twitter and Facebook. Now it is changing to voting for the most ghastly act – which is a most efficacious strategy as it cuts reality TV off at its roots.

I’m fully supportive of this, as it may persuade TV executives to focus once more on the type of programmes that made British TV the envy of the world, rather than the current trashy, Warholesque rubbish that panders to the shallowest mindset and produces fleeting ‘stars’ with the staying power of a quantum fluctuation.

Today’s reality stars don’t even have the time to descend into an obligatory fame-induced, drug-crazed spiral of self-loathing and highly publicised sexual excess, with the subsequent stellar career relaunch following a spell at a high profile rehab centre – they simply disappear from the scene before they’ve had the first sniff of cocaine at a celeb party.