Risky Business for Fly Strike Facebook

Overheard in the Caravan:

Several sheep and lambs have just been delivered to our field (our grass contributes to the excellent taste of Sodbury Lamb):

Chairman: "They still dock the lambs' tails, don't they?"

Hay: "Yes, it's to keep their bums relatively clean and prevent fly strike. By the look of your underpants when I wash them, it would appear you suffer the occasional bout of fly strike too!"

Also Heard in the Caravan:

Continuity Announcer: "And next we have Gardner's World."

Chairman: "Oh God!"

Hay: "What don't you like about Gardener's World?"

Chairman: "The bloody gardens!"

Off to Spain on a business trip on Tuesday. Just wondering whether I should risk buying any Euros - they're likely to be worth less than recycled bog paper by the time I get back on Thursday night. Seriously contemplating taking some bars of soap and a few coloured beads to use as a medium of exchange instead.

I see they put the Olympic Flame on a plane yesterday. What with all the kerfuffle about smoking and using mobiles on planes, you'd think they'd have had the sense to extinguish the bloody thing for the 4 hour flight and light it again at the destination with a Zippo - it's not as if any bugger would notice. You can't even fart on the plane these days without some odious bastard having a go at you! I can't help thinking that using an entire aircraft at the taxpayers' expense for a bloody flame in these times of austerity is a little bit over the top. What will the entire Olympics cost us - £11bn is it? What a superb investment - obviously the current bunch of clowns never heard of the Austerity Olympics of '48. It would seem people were more sensible then.

Talking of gigantic wastes of money, where on earth is Faceook hoovering up $106bn from? Mugs, and pension schemes, probably. The money will just make the damned thing even more unbearable - and I mean the ugly monkey who started it, not the system.

Am I correct in hearing a dog won one of those interminable talent contest on TV the other week? Seems we're finally getting back to the good old days of Opportunity Knocks and novelty acts that grannies vote for. Viewers must finally be getting sick of talentless narcissists with overblown egos appearing on these shows.