Immigration Solution Oop North

Here's an idea - make immigrants compete against each other in a reality TV show and get Simon Cowell to organise it. If you pass the test and get the audience votes, you're accepted into a ghetto. If not, you're shot by a firing squad comprised of UKIP members.

I've managed to convince Hay that our next weekend excursion should be oop north. She's now busy arranging for the delivery of a pac-a-mac, a flat cap, a wippet and a stab-vest. I'm thinking White Scar Caves near Ingleton, with a stay at Clapham. Been a good while since I was there last, and I'm sure she'll be impressed.

Just like these fans below, I too be supporting Holland tomorrow against Spain in the World Cup.

I hear Sep Blatter's "task is not complete". I wonder what that task might be - institutionalising corruption? FIFA is becoming more like the EU every day.