Utterly Pointless Gadgets

 Spotted this in a shop the other day - a log splitter.

You place a log on the knife edge and bash it with a lump hammer.

You can achieve exactly the same effect by using an axe on its own, which is 50% fewer tools. I've no idea how much the log splitter costs, but it won't be cheap.

Then there's the omelette maker. One of those kitchen gadgets that sounds like a good idea until you actually use one. And then you realise you’ve paid for a contraption that takes up half a cupboard and does a job that a frying pan has been doing quite adequately since time immemorial. Honestly, who’s got time to be faffing about with an electric gadget when the good old frying pan is hanging there on its hook, ready to go?

Let’s think about the process here. You whisk your eggs, maybe add a bit of salt, pepper, a splash of milk if you're feeling decadent. So far, so simple. Then, instead of just pouring the mixture into a hot pan like a sensible person, you’re supposed to dig out this omelette maker, plug it in, wait for it to heat up, and pour your eggs into these weird little moulds. What’s the point? By the time you’ve done all that, I’d have my omelette cooked, plated, and halfway eaten. And there’s something immensely satisfying about the sizzle of eggs hitting a hot pan, isn’t there? None of that with an omelette maker. Just a dull silence as it plods along, doing in ten minutes what the pan could do in two.

And the shape. Let’s talk about that. Omelette makers give you these neat, perfectly oval, pod-like omelettes. But who’s asking for that? Not me. I like my omelettes a bit rustic, with crispy edges where the egg has met the pan and decided to caramelise ever so slightly. That’s where the flavour is. An omelette with character. These machine-made ones look like something you’d get in a motorway service station – uniformly bland, a bit soulless. Where’s the charm in that?

Then there’s the cleaning. Oh, the cleaning. Non-stick, they claim. I’ve yet to meet a non-stick gadget that lives up to the hype. Inevitably, there’s a bit of egg that gets stuck in a corner, and you’re there with a sponge, scrubbing away while muttering under your breath. A frying pan, on the other hand? Quick wipe, and you’re done. If you’ve seasoned it right, it practically cleans itself.

I reckon the whole omelette maker idea stems from this obsession we seem to have with overcomplicating the simple things. Making an omelette isn’t rocket science. It’s one of the first things people learn to cook. Eggs, heat, a bit of wrist action with the spatula – job done. But somewhere along the line, someone decided we needed to mechanise even that. Probably the same people who brought us the electric can opener. Another unnecessary contraption that’s more hassle than it’s worth.

I’m not entirely against kitchen gadgets. Some of them have their place. A decent food processor can be a game-changer. A slow cooker, brilliant for stews when you’ve got a busy day ahead. But there’s a line, and the omelette maker crosses it. It’s a solution in search of a problem. A gimmick for people who like the idea of cooking more than the actual act of it. For the rest of us? Stick with the frying pan. It’s a classic for a reason.