Toxic Femininity

Toxic masculinity gets a lot of press, and quite rightly so. The swaggering bravado, the refusal to ask for directions, the curious habit of punching holes in walls instead of addressing emotions head-on – all hallmarks of a culture that insists on stoicism to the point of implosion. While this is a well-recognised issue, it’s important to acknowledge that toxic masculinity is part of a broader conversation about harmful gender expectations. 

But what about its less discussed counterpart? Toxic femininity. Yes, it exists, and no, it's not just a figment of someone's fevered anti-woke imagination – though it’s worth noting that the term should be approached carefully to avoid polarising debate.

 

You see, toxic femininity operates under the radar, often masquerading as nurturing and supportive while slowly eroding individual autonomy and societal cohesion. It cloaks itself in moral superiority, weaponises victimhood, and perpetuates outdated gender norms, all while maintaining an aura of infallibility. 

Let’s start with the stereotype of the self-sacrificing mother – the martyr who forgoes her own needs for her family’s well-being. On the surface, this looks noble. But scratch that veneer, and you’ll find it’s a fast-track to guilt-tripping children into lifelong servitude and perpetuating the notion that women must suffer to be virtuous.

Then there’s the insidious notion that women are always more empathetic, morally superior beings. This belief often morphs into a sanctimonious policing of other women’s choices. Think of the judgment that flows when a woman decides not to have children, prioritises her career, or heaven forbid, expresses a politically incorrect opinion. Toxic femininity thrives in these moments – cloaked as concern, it’s actually control. It’s the socially influential figure who uses subtle exclusion tactics to maintain dominance. It’s the wellness guru peddling pseudoscience with a side of moral superiority.

We must also address how toxic femininity interacts with men. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not about uplifting all genders. It’s about maintaining a status quo where men are infantilised or demonised, depending on the narrative’s needs. On one end, you have the “men are useless” trope – sitcoms and adverts are littered with hapless husbands who can’t boil an egg without setting the house on fire. On the other, you have the weaponisation of tears and accusations to manipulate outcomes. We’ve seen careers ruined, relationships destroyed, and lives upended without due process. While false accusations remain rare, the consequences are profound when they do occur, emphasising the need for careful navigation of these issues.

But let’s not stop there. Toxic femininity also manifests in performative victimhood. There’s a subset of women who have made an art form out of being perpetually offended, perpetually aggrieved. They’ve turned fragility into a power move, wielding their perceived oppression as both shield and sword. The result? Conversations are stifled, debates shut down, and genuine grievances from all sides are lost in the cacophony of performative outrage.

The media, unsurprisingly, doesn’t call this out, likely due to the complexity and sensitivity of the topic. It’s more interested in painting women as perpetual victims and men as perpetual oppressors. It’s a simplistic, binary narrative that ignores the nuances of human behaviour and relationships. Toxic femininity perpetuates this narrative because it thrives on division. It doesn’t seek equality; it seeks moral high ground.

Let’s be clear – this isn’t a call to bash women or diminish legitimate feminist concerns. It’s a call to recognise that toxic behaviours aren’t exclusive to one gender. The idea that women can do no wrong is just as damaging as the notion that men must always be strong and silent. Both tropes box people into roles that stifle individuality and breed resentment.

So, what’s the antidote to toxic femininity? It’s the same as for toxic masculinity – authenticity, empathy, and accountability. It’s recognising that human beings are complex creatures capable of both great kindness and appalling cruelty, regardless of gender. It’s about dismantling stereotypes, not reinforcing them under the guise of empowerment.

In the end, the real enemy isn’t masculinity or femininity – toxic or otherwise. It’s the rigid adherence to outdated narratives that keep us all locked in battle with ourselves and each other. Let’s drop the scripts and start having real conversations, such as recognising the valid concerns on all sides and building bridges rather than walls. After all, isn’t that what true equality looks like?