The Tory Suicide Run

Right then — here’s how Britain’s political circus looks when you step back far enough to see the shape of it. Forget party colours for a moment and picture the whole country as a great, lumbering bell curve of opinion. According to numerous polls, the bulk of the population sits just left of centre – not waving red flags or chanting “workers of the world,” just quietly believing in decent services, fair pay, and a government that doesn’t treat compassion as a weakness. That’s the British mainstream: mildly progressive, allergic to extremism, and perpetually disappointed by whoever happens to be in charge.

Now, when you understand that, it becomes obvious why the Conservatives’ recent sprint to the right is a suicide run. The voters aren’t there. They’re in the middle lane, indicator blinking politely, while the Tory leadership is roaring down the hard shoulder yelling about boats and Brussels. It’s the political equivalent of shouting into the wind and wondering why the echo doesn’t sound like applause. Heseltine, bless him, can see it – the old One-Nation pragmatist who still remembers that you win Britain from the centre, not from the outer darkness of Reform UK.

And even if the politics weren’t suicidal, the economics make it worse. There is no money. None. The cupboard isn’t just bare; it’s been repossessed. The national accounts are held together by duct tape and wishful thinking, while debt interest alone could fund a second NHS. Into this strolls the hard right promising unfunded tax cuts, North Sea booms that don’t exist, and deportation fantasies that would cost more than the moon landing. It’s delusional economics for Daily Mail readers who’ve stopped checking their mortgage rates. Thatcher might have been ruthless, but at least she could count.

Labour, to its credit, has parked itself just left of centre – and that’s exactly where it should stay. The temptation to drift rightward, to appear “safe” and “business-friendly,” is strong, but that’s how you end up beige and forgettable. The centre ground doesn’t mean the dead centre; it’s that patch of moral common sense just to the left of it – public services that work, markets with rules, decency without dogma. That’s the Britain people want back.

The Liberal Democrats, meanwhile, are camped right on the peak of the curve, perfectly aligned with the national mood - and utterly invisible. In a fair system they’d be the hinge of government, but first-past-the-post punishes moderation. They’re the right answer in the wrong exam. They speak for the country, but the country’s voting system has them gagged.

And then there are the Greens – the conscience of politics, waving their recyclable banners from the far hill. They’re mocked as single-issue dreamers, which is unfair, because they’re often the only adults in the room. But they’ve allowed others to define them. They should stop talking about the end of the world and start talking about the start of a better one. Climate policy isn’t a sermon – it’s an industrial strategy. The day they sell that as jobs, security and energy independence, they’ll stop being a protest and start being a movement. It does seem to have been kickstarted by the new leader, to his credit.

So here we are: a nation whose heart is steady and centrist, ruled by parties in varying states of hysteria. The right is running out of road and money, the left is still learning to believe in itself, and the sensible middle is muzzled by a system built for gladiators, not governors. Britain doesn’t need another revolution – it just needs the grown-ups back in charge.