Thursday, 27 November 2014

Dedicated Follower of Fashion


Last week, against my better judgement, Hay managed to persuade me to buy some "fashion trousers". She maintains they look good on me, but they are torture to wear.

These contraptions have a very narrow leg, such that my rugby player calves are gripped in a vice of trouser material. The result is that after sitting down the legs go to half mast and you constantly have to adjust the length.

The waist is about 3 inches lower than the waist on my normal trousers, with the result that after sitting down the arse drops several inches and I look like one of those cruddy kids who delight in showing off their underwear and having droopy arses in their trousers. Not a fetching look.

Once you put something in your pocket, it's there permanently until such time as you take your trousers off in order to be able to get your hand in the pocket.

Number ones is a bloody nightmare. For a start the base of the fly is several inches higher than normal, meaning your flow is restricted due to having to first arrange your plumbing so as to overcome the dog's leg and risking having a nasty dribble accident once you replace your plumbing. Additionally, you have to roll your tackle up on replacing it, or at least fold it, in order to overcome the dire lack of tackle space.

Never again will I buy "fashion trousers". I need volume - the more the merrier. Same goes for jocks - they have to be voluminous boxers of the old Marks and Sparks variety, which I haven't seen for about 10 years.


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