Gender Neutral Bogs

Funny old world, isn’t it? The very people who claim to stand against rigid, conservative values in one breath are enforcing them in the next. One minute, the anti-Muslim brigade are frothing at the mouth about the supposed Islamic takeover of Europe, and the next, they’re the most vocal defenders of gender-segregated toilets – which, let’s be honest, is about as conservative and modesty-obsessed as it gets. You’d almost think they were, well… being a bit Muslim about it all. But self-awareness has never been their strong suit, has it?

Now, let’s get one thing straight: separate bogs for men and women weren’t always the norm. The Romans weren’t fussed – public latrines were shared, with no partitions, and modesty was an afterthought. Medieval folk had bigger worries, like not dying of dysentery. It wasn’t until the 18th and 19th centuries, when industrialisation meant women were out in public more, that the moral crusaders stepped in and decided that a bit of porcelain partitioning was necessary. The Victorians, being Victorians, made it law – and before you knew it, gendered toilets were as entrenched as bad weather and class snobbery.

Fast forward to today, and we’re seeing a shift – especially in more secular and progressive countries, where studies show that well-designed gender-neutral toilets improve accessibility and reduce wait times. The Nordics, Germany, the Netherlands – all quite happily adding gender-neutral facilities to the mix. Even in the UK, universities and government buildings are catching on. But in the more religious corners of Europe – particularly Catholic strongholds like Poland, Hungary, Italy, and parts of the Balkans – there’s been a predictable backlash. Because, of course, the notion that someone might choose where to pee based on convenience rather than outdated social constructs is deeply distressing to those who see the world in black and white - and everything being a sin.

And that brings us to the delicious irony of it all: the very people who howl about the supposed rise of Islamic fundamentalism are now clutching their pearls at the idea of unisex toilets – exactly the sort of gender-segregation fervour they claim to oppose. If you close your eyes, you’d be hard-pressed to tell whether you’re listening to a right-wing culture warrior, a staunch Catholic traditionalist, or a deeply conservative Muslim cleric, both railing against the supposed collapse of decency. railing against the corrupting influence of modernity. Think of the children! they cry. Think of the women! they wail – just with slightly different headgear.

But the reality is that gender-neutral toilets are neither the death of civilisation nor a Marxist plot to destroy the family. They’re just another step in a long history of public conveniences evolving to match how society actually functions. If you’re worried about safety, lock the cubicle door. If you’re concerned about privacy, make sure the design isn’t shoddy. And if you’re getting all worked up about who’s standing next to you at the urinal – well, that might be your problem to unpack, not society’s.

There’s an unspoken rule in British gents’ toilets – a sacred covenant of personal space that dictates you must always leave at least one empty urinal between yourself and the next bloke. No exceptions, unless the place is packed and you're left with no choice, at which point both parties must engage in a complex social dance of staring intently at the wall and pretending the other doesn’t exist. Head over to the Continent, however, and this rule dissolves like a sugar cube in a strong espresso. In France, Germany, or Spain, you'll often find blokes happily standing shoulder to shoulder, carrying on conversations as if they were at the bar rather than engaged in the delicate business of relieving themselves. It’s a cultural divide as stark as our approach to queuing – the British way is to maintain polite distance, while Europeans seem to take a more pragmatic, less self-conscious approach.

Meanwhile, the rest of Europe will carry on being its usual mixed bag – Germany and the Nordics leading the charge, Poland and Hungary pulling in the opposite direction, and Britain, as ever, caught between nostalgia and reluctant progress. – some countries forging ahead with unisex facilities, others digging in their heels, and Britain, as ever, awkwardly dithering somewhere in the middle. But next time you hear some culture warrior ranting about the sanctity of men’s and women’s toilets, just remind them they’re sounding a little… how shall we put it? Halal and Woke - simultaneously.