Democracy is a beautiful thing, they say. But so is fire - until you hand it to a toddler and ask them to boil the kettle. Let’s stop pretending that universal suffrage, in its current unfiltered form, is sacred. It’s not. It’s broken. It’s being abused by a nation that can’t spell sovereignty but demands it at volume.
We live in a country where people think “should of” is a grammatically acceptable phrase, and where political opinion is shaped not by newspapers or policy briefings, but by sweaty Facebook memes, TikTok conspiracies, and talk radio ranters whose only qualification is a microphone and a persecution complex. It’s mob rule, turbocharged by WiFi and lacking even the dignity of a pitchfork.
These are the same people who cheerfully voted to torpedo their own economic future because a bus said the NHS would be showered in cash. You wouldn’t trust them to programme a microwave, but they’re apparently well-qualified to decide on trade deals, human rights law, and constitutional arrangements. One glance at the comments section and you realise the Enlightenment has gone into reverse.
We test people to drive a car. We test them to cut hair. But give them the vote – the ability to choose governments, wreck treaties, and empower demagogues – and it’s “help yourself, love, there’s the ballot box, bash away like a chimp at a vending machine.”
Why? Because politics isn’t about policy anymore. It’s content. It’s clickbait. It’s a popularity contest held in the midst of a nationwide attention deficit. Where once politicians shaped public opinion, they now chase it – like toddlers after pigeons – eyes fixed on the algorithm. Gone is the statesman. In his place, a PR mannequin live-streaming from a tractor factory while retweeting racists. It’s not leadership – it’s customer service with flags.
Populism thrives in this cesspit, not because it’s clever, but because it’s loud. It promises simple answers to complex problems, yells about “elites” while being bankrolled by them, and counts success in the number of retweets, not results. It weaponises criticism, monetises outrage, and flogs patriotism like it’s knock-off perfume.
So here’s a radical thought: a basic civic competency test. Nothing Orwellian. No ideological witch-hunts. Just the democratic equivalent of a driving theory test – a minimal demonstration that you understand how voting works, what the parties stand for, and that you can distinguish the EU from the ECHR without resorting to angry emojis. If that’s too much to ask, maybe sit this one out and focus on spelling "dictatorship" correctly.
Because right now, our democracy is being steered by people who think the WEF is installing microchips, that immigrants are the reason the bins weren’t collected, and that shouting “common sense” is a substitute for a manifesto. Meanwhile, the rest of us are still trying to have grown-up conversations about housing, the NHS, and whether we’d like a future – and we’re being shouted down by people who think Farage is Churchill with a pint and a podcast.
Yes, the vote should be a right. But like all rights, it should come with responsibility. We’ve tried letting anyone with a pulse and a grudge have their say. The result? Brexit. Boris. Truss. Reform UK. A country proudly marching into decline, eyes glazed, voice raised, waving a cardboard cut-out of sovereignty and demanding someone else pick up the pieces.
Enough. Voting isn’t therapy. It’s a civic duty. And if you don’t know the basics of the system you’re trying to hijack, maybe stick to shouting at clouds and let the grown-ups steer the ship before we hit another iceberg made of hubris.
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