Quantum Big Ben Time for Rich People

I performed several important scientific experiments yesterday.

1. I filled the kettle, plugged it in and then watched it intently. It actually boiled!
2. According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, nothing is ever where you left it, or if it is then you can't see it at the time of looking - also known as the Law of the Excluded Bloke. Anyway, I left my car keys on the caravan table and half an hour later they were still there - Incredible!

Is it true that they (whoever 'they' are) are renaming the Big Ben Tower Big Betty? Did you see Mrs Queen wearing an upturned Wedgwood fruit bowl on her head the other day? Strange headgear, but it takes all sorts I suppose.

All power to her for shaking McGuinness' had yesterday - and all power to McGuinness too. It just had to be done, regardless of what the die-hards say. The one taking the greater risk is McGuinness.

I see Barclays has been fined for manipulating market figures. A bunch of the directors have, as a consequence, foregone their annual bonus. One of theese directors is called Rich Ricci, a name which doesn't exactly instil within me confidence in the banking sector. Sounds more like a Mafia don or gangster - a bankster.