Overheard

It seems we have a Conservative child for our local MP and Steve Webb (ex Minister for Pensions - Lib Dem) has lost his seat.

What with Nicola Sturgeon's recent transformation to svelte femme fatale, I somehow sense her fat, frumpy hubby will be dumped shortly.

As for the Labour vote collapsing in the face of the Conservatives - perhaps the Brand effect combined with the Alan Partridge effect. Will we see Miliband Senior rejoining the Labour ranks - I do hope so.

Overheard while feeding Kitty:

Chairman: "With all that fur round her bum, how the hell does she keep it clean? Ah yes, she licks it."

Hay: "Well, she's grooming herself all day. You keep your bum clean."

Chairman: "Yes, but I don't lick it!"

Hay: "You would if you could."

Overheard in the patio:

Hay's Dad: "I was watching a documentary about Eastern Europeans coming over here to get jobs. The business owner in the documentary said he paid above the minimum wage, but couldn't get any white people to take the jobs, so he employs Poles."

Hay: "Good grief, do you know what you just said? You didn't vote SS this morning, did you?"

Hay's Dad: "Slip of the tongue, you know what I meant."