Covering One's Arse

Apparently, swimming in Chew Valley Lake is forbidden because the water is deep, has hidden obstructions, and – God help us – it moves about a bit. One can only assume our ancestors managed to survive natural bodies of water through sheer luck, given they lacked the modern innovation of a "No Swimming" sign.

Meanwhile, the sea – with its tides, currents, jellyfish and occasional shipwreck – is open to all comers. No one slaps a ban on swimming at Weston-super-Mare every time the tide goes out half a mile. But Chew Valley? Far too perilous for the common folk. Best stay on land and shuffle between the café and the car park like obedient cattle.

Fortunately, not everyone is prepared to be treated like an idiot. On the 27th April around 20 swimmers, organised by the Outdoor Swimming Society, defied the ban and entered the lake at Herons Green Bay. It was a peaceful protest, inspired by the Kinder Scout trespass, with local residents, environmental scientists, and campaigners all taking the plunge. Their simple demand? The right to swim freely in our own inland waters – the same waters where, incidentally, fishing, sailing and paddleboarding are all allowed if you cough up the right fee.

Because that's the real stink here. It's not safety – it's money. If you’re paying for a rod licence, hiring a boat, or boosting the local café’s profits, you’re welcome. If you simply want a free swim to clear your head and lift your spirit, you're a liability to be barred, fenced off, and scowled at by people in high-vis jackets.

It’s not the hidden obstructions under the water that are the danger – it’s the very visible obstructionism above it. We are sliding into a Britain where freedom is conditional, fun is rationed, and common sense (not the Farage variety) is treated as an exotic relic of the past. All cheered on by risk-averse bureaucrats more interested in covering their backsides than allowing people to live a little.

The swimmers at Chew Valley Lake showed more sense and more courage than the cowards who put up the signs. They remembered something the clipboard brigade has forgotten – that life is meant to be lived, not licensed.