Delusional, If You Ask Me.

Col Gaddafi is apparently 'ready for long war' and has the support of the people of Libya.

He's not exactly doing much for the popular view of megalomaniacal dictators. They're renowned for having a somewhat tenuous grip on reality at the best of times, but claiming popular support when it's popular support that's just ousted you is on par with claiming you've just visited Alpha Cantauri or that UK students have improved their academic ability for 26 continuous years and our 15 year-olds are the cleverest in the world.

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Flying back to the UK today - glad it's not tomorrow, as the hotel breakfast is abominable on a Saturday. This is due to the prohibition by strict Jews on the use of electricity on Shabbat, hence no fresh coffee or freshly cooked foods in the hotel.

Given only about 30% of Israelis are observant Jews, it's a bit much.

Google Advice on Lentils

Yesterday Google told me I was in another country and asked if I wanted to change my location. Naturally I said yes, and since then I've been plagued with Google searches producing results in Hebrew and the screen being oriented left to right. That's the last time I accept any advice from Google.

I was reminded yesterday why I have never eaten puy lentils since the first time I tried them. They were on offer in the works canteen, which has a wonderful salad bar, and I was overcome with an irrational urge to try them again. It's like eating cardboard - I can't see their point.

I was told yesterday that they're confirming me as MD of the European sales region today. My six months probation was reduced to 4 months, so I must be doing something right.

Next time I travel I'm going to spend more time selecting clothes for the trip - I spent yesterday in agony from having to wear trousers that were a size too small around the waist and I had neglected to take to the charity shop.

I Hate Flying

Well, I certainly hate flying at night.

I boarded the plane at 22.00, immediately donned my 'nil by mouth' sign (blanket over my head) and was fast asleep before the plane took off.

Having worked a full day, I was in no mood for anything except sleeping all the way to Tel Aviv, and would have done so had my kind neighbour not woken me above Sarajevo in the mistaken belief I was desperate to partake of a mid flight cheese roll. Needless to say I was not, nor was I able to get back to sleep.

I don't know about you, but flying gassed me up something awful, and it wasn't long before my neighbour had cause to regret waking me.

Landed at 5am, waste d half an hour due to my bloody driver not showing up, and am in a taxi on the way to the hotel and should be in time for a quick 7am breakfast before a car collects me at 8 to take me to the office for a round of meetings that are scheduled to continue till 19.30, followed by dinner with our guests. I shall sleep well tonight.

Thank God my return flight is during the day.

It's quite amusing, but whenever an inbound plane lands at Tel Aviv, the majority of the Israelis onboard applaud on touchdown.

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Group Pregancy

Someone told me that Beyonce is pregnant - and it's Destiny's Child.

Off so Israel again till Friday, so a small hiatus in posting is imminent.

Glasto Paper Delivieries Cutbacks

We had the annual Folly House gig yesterday afternoon. The day started off quite promising for a 3pm kick-off, and at 2pm the heavens opened with torrential rain. By 4pm it had stopped, but there were further occasional downpours. Needless to say, the garden turned into a Glasto-quagmire.

You can see the house-build in the background of this shot above. We're going to be resuming work in a couple of weeks when our artisan window maker will be measuring up.

As some of you may know, Hay and I have a local paper round up in the village. We've noticed that whereas the pensioners have kept to their normal papers during the economic crisis, the more affluent villagers have cut back to just weekend papers, or none at all.

Para-Digital-Techno-Olympics

Apropos of all this hot air about Oscar Pistorius' blades; ain't it about time we had separate categories for drug-assisted, technology-assisted or whatever-assisted olympics?

Whatever anyone says about whether Pistorius' blades provide an advantage, basically no-one really knows.

What we should be striving toward is people competing on the basis of like-for-like.

Digital Viagra

Went up to Nottingham for a business meeting yesterday and spotted this.

Perhaps they provide assistance with aerial sex.

Gadaffi Compound Gap Year

Apparently Gadaffi has been awarded the Edinburgh Festival Comedy Award for his broadcasts.

Did you see the images from Gadaffi's beach house? Gucci, Armani, Dior, Chanel - the sartorial choice of dictators....

Gadaffi's Compound - it sounds like a medication, doesn't it? Perhaps he can get a job selling it; after all, there aren't many opportunities for unemployed dictators.

A lot of A level students are not able to get on to the course they desire - poor dears. Oxford and Cambridge are known, however, for only wanting the best minds and not someone with A*s in drama, critical thinking and general studies.

Given the foregoing, many of them are choosing to engage in what is called the 'gap year', or what we experts call a parentally-funded, self-indulgent spending spree, before trying again in 12 months time in the forlorn hope that the numbers of competing applicants will have reduced to zero.

I have another proposal; increase the gap year to two years and call it National Service, like they do in Israel (although in their case it's 3 years for men and 2 for women), and make it mandatory for all school leavers. However, the thought of some of our youth with a gun in their hands chills me to the bone.

They Seek Him Here, They Seek Him There

They can't find Gaddafi or his family.

Hardly surprising really - it's the last week of August with a Bank Holiday on Monday. He's obviously on vacation.

Shovelling Loot by Trained Association in a Clouded Mind

Got it sussed - eventually. It took me a while, but I think I have the ideal solution to the riots now.

If we provide free class A drugs (and possibly free trainers too) to all the rioters and looters, they'll be too drugged up to do any more damage. In fact, they might even be too doped up to reproduce, which would prevent anything similar happening for a few generations by breaking a vicious circle.

Having holidayed in the Isles of Scilly, and being a naval man myself, I have become interested in the maritime history of the archipelago, especially the wrecks. I was reading a story about the shipwreck of British naval hero, Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell. They just don't make names like that anymore!

"Anymore" - now there's a word to conjure up an argument among English speakers. Is it 'anymore', or 'any more'? You decide.