The Curate's Egg - or Tool Box

Overheard while watching a cancer charity advert on TV:

Chairman: "If you had to have a double mastectomy, would it make you feel any less a woman?"

Hay: "Certainly not. If you have to have your brain removed, would you feel any less a bloke? Actually, it'd make no difference to blokes."

Have you noticed that artisans no longer look after or tend things? They 'curate' them now. This weekend I decided to 'curate' my tool bag.

We went to Aldi in Thornbury for some shopping and I spotted a ToolZone tool bag, which allegedly comes with a 49 piece toolkit. However, it had no tags on it and someone had opened the cardboard box containing the tools and spilled them all over the inside, it not being clear whether everything was present and correct.

I took it to the checkout and asked whether, given it had been opened, I could have a discount. The price was apparently £30, but I got it for £20. Bargain!

Got it home, unpacked it, and discovered everything was indeed present. Each screwdriver bit is counted as a separate tool, so 2 rubber holders of 10 bits each accounted for 20 of the 49 items. Even so, there was a good selection of tools, enabling me to cull some of the stuff in my old tool bag.

Added some stuff that isn't included in the kit - plumbing and electrical items - and managed to fill it to the top. Damned thing weighs a ton, but it's comprehensive enough to take anywhere, especially when we go touring in the van and I'm unexpectedly forced to fix something.

That's when the curation aspect kicked in. I used to have 2 tool bags - a large one for the most commonly used tools and a smaller one for the less frequently used ones. However, there was a lot of duplication. 

Once I'd collated everything essential into the new tool bag, I thought to myself; "Why have I just thrown an assortment of open-ended and ring spanners into the bag when I have an adjustable wrench in there? While I'm at it, why do I have an assortment of screwdrivers when I have a a box of screwdriver bits with a magnetic bit screwdriver?"

On the left are the tools I managed to cull in the process of curation. Not many, but enough to get my blowtorch in the bag.

When you think about it, there are very few occasions when an adjustable spanner won't do the job, and an assortment of screwdrivers is just wasted space when they don't cater for a vast array of hex, Torx and other esoteric standards. This is where true curation comes in....

I also took the opportunity to make yet another enhancement to the kono grill - the addition of rubber feet at the corners to prevent the pop rivets heads on the underside rubbing off when the unit is placed or dragged on concrete.

It being my birthday today, I caught Hay lugging a huge box around yesterday. It turned out it was my birthday present. Her and a good mate of mine had gone halves on a sliding, double bevel, laser-guided mitre saw. I was ecstatic, it being the 255mm model. I'd dropped enough hints over the last couple of weeks.

Spent ages assembling it - there was even an instruction manual and if you scanned the QR code on it, it launched an assembly video, not that I used it of course; blokes don't do instruction manuals.

Anyway, I got it assembled and was ready to cut a plank, only to discover a yellow caravan-type hook-up plug - it was a 110v version and not the 240v, meaning I either had to return it to ScrewFix for a swap, or buy a transformer. Given it was impossible to dismantle it and get it back into the box, I decided to get a transformer, which is safer for working outside anyway. Hay was mortified - especially when I also castigated her for not making it a cordless one....

Next I think I'll curate my nut, bolt and screw drawers. Hay is set for curating my jock and sock drawer. She tods me I need to curate my moustache...

Symbols

Robert Jenrick apparently had a large Union flag and a drawing of the queen in his office, the former of which came in for some laughter, but for some reason that laughter triggered a lot of people, especially those who look at the pictures in the Daily Mail, Express and Sun while chewing their crayons.

Then there's Boris with his humungous, industrial-sized flags, the draping of which seem somewhat scarily redolent of the flags used in certain rallies in the 30s.

We Brits generally don't seem to have the same, intense relationship with our national flag that the likes of the Americans have. They treat it with a deep reverence and salute it in the morning in schools. American presidents don't make a speech without some absolutely massive stars and stripes in the background. Contrary to popular opinion, it's not a criminal offence in America to burn the flag in protest at something, as long as it's your own flag.

We Brits, however, seem to have a penchant for much smaller, understated flags of maybe under 9 inches long on a small wooden flagpole sitting on a desk. We don't seem to need to push the flag into people's faces. Most Brits wouldn't even recognise if it were flown upside down and even more insist on calling it a Union jack, which is the term only used when it's flown from a ship's jack staff.

Yes, of course, there are those who plaster their Facebook pages with Union flags, present themselves with bulldog or crusader avatars, worship Churchill and Enoch and belong to highly suspect political parties far out on the fringe of the fringe of the right, but they're an anomaly. 

Of late though, Boris' marketing department seems intent on aligning the Conservative brand with the Union flag - and the bigger the better. Could this be part of the ongoing Culture War the government and right wing media seems intent on waging against someone? They seem to be equating themselves with patriotism, which Samuel Johnson described as the last refuge of the scoundrel. He was referring to the false patriotism of the ultra-nationalist.

I'm almost certain that thinking is as follows - knocking the flag is knocking the country is knocking the government is knocking the party of unthinking and rabid patriotism - the Conservatives. If you knock the flag you're a traitor; if you knock the Conservative party you're also a traitor, by association. 

It probably won't belong before the Conservative party emblem is simply a Union flag without the tree. The Conservatives are the only party to co-opt the iconography of the flag for its logo - other than the BNP and the DUP, which aren't major parties, but on the same end of the spectrum. That alone tells one why there was laughter at Jenrick's office.

The problem is that the Conservatives are are actually more aligned with the Jolly Roger or the flag of a South American banana republic. I'm fully expecting Boris to appear on a press conference in his £2.6m press room dressed in the gaudy uniform of a Generalissimo. 

Misleading

This committee that Mrs Sturgeon has been giving evidence to is no more a system of justice than the impeachment of Trump. It's not independent and the verdict depends on whether it's stacked with your opposition or your supporters. None of them can be expected to vote on the basis of evidence - it is purely along party lines.

Of greater importance is the independent inquiry under the stewardship of James Hamilton, a former DPP in Ireland. Should he find that Sturgeon misled the Scottish Parliament, then she should do the honourable thing and resign her position. However, if I were her, I'd say; "I'll resign the minute Priti Patel does." That would be a reasonable thing to do and force the Westminster government to show its hand as to whether it considered the Ministerial Code as being worth the paper it's written on. 

In fact, she should go further and say she will resign once Boris Johnson does, as he misled Parliament too. In fact, Boris has made it into an artform and even misled Her Majesty, which is a capital offence to many Conservatives, unless Boris does it, in which case it's not necessarily a bad thing.

This could, of course, lead to charges of whataboutery, but changing the name of hypocrisy to whataboutery does not change the charge of hypocrisy.

That's Better

The griddle for the kono arrived on Tuesday, along with the bespoke poker. The poker is the perfect shape for spreading the hot charcoal. I'll just have to shave a couple of millimetres off one side of the griddle for a firm and close fit.

Hay also ordered a tiny, one person, flatpack, stainless steel version of our firepit from the fabricator. It only measures 25cm square and is meant for taking on hikes. Given you need wood and to carry it with you, it's a bit of a luxury on a hike. It's not as if the weight is inconsequential when walking - it must weigh at least a couple of kilos.

I wanted our large version to be stainless, but he only makes them in mild steel, which is obviously subject to rusting.

The new bell rope also arrived (I couldn't be bothered buying a load of rope and getting it wrong 20 odd times). This one was made to order and to my specific dimensions.

I think I will move the bell slightly higher, as it risks braining anyone walking past it at its current height. The got a lacquering to protect it from UV and dirt. The bell itself may require lacquering too, if I don't want to be polishing it every week.

Catch Up

We had a nice, long chat with my elder daughter last night. She lives in Accrington, is very much into her church activities but, since all the lockdowns and given she's not been able to attend her church, she's joined a plethora of on-line churches.

Her problem now, however, is that given church services on Sundays all start around the same time, she finds it impossible to Zoom with them simultaneously.

I suggested she start up a new service whereby congregations can catch up and call it i-Prayer.

Crunchies

Why the hell do cat crunchies come in different shapes and colours? Are there cats that perhaps say to themselves; "Hey, I like these triangular crunchies and I'll leave the rest,"? I somehow doubt it. Or are there cats that will only eat the red ones? Again, I doubt it.

The ones that really get me are the ones shaped like little, cartoon fish. Cats may like fish, but they don't hunt the buggers and so haven't a clue as to what constitutes a fish shape, let alone a cartoon one. If anything, they should be mouse or bird shaped.

The coloured ones are even more strange when one considers that a cat's vision is like that of a human who is red / green colour blind. 

First They Came for Charlie Hebdo

 So Charlie Hebdo has a pop at another target - Her Majesty and The Firm.

I can imagine Colonel Blimps across the country, who revelled in the publication of the Mohammed cartoons in the interests of Free Speech, spluttering over their copy of Majesty Magazine with moustaches bristling, while drinking a cup of Darjeeling from a Queen Elizabeth II Golden Jubilee souvenir mug, giving their bulldog, Winston, a quick kick, casting a glance at their Indian Mutiny themed calendar for any royal birthdays or anniversaries and floridly huffing and puffing with righteous indignation at this egregious abuse of Free Speech.

That said, I can't see them getting together to form a hit squad to target Charlie Hebdo's office in revenge for an attack on their idol (although the palace flunkies may mobilise MI6).

The reason Charlie Hebdo can get away with this is because while royalists may identify with the Royal Family as the very pinnacle of the apex of an hierarchically ordered society, they're not that bound to them in terms of identity as a Muslim is with his or her faith. Also, they're afraid of being labelled as hypocrites. It boils down to the degree of personal identity that's attacked and the consequences - and few things go deeper than faith.

I'm no royalist, but I can empathise with royalists who feel mortally offended, just as I felt empathy with Muslim reaction to the Mohammed cartoon, which was totally expected, despite condemning the extremist reactions by many to the Mohammed cartoon. 

As I've previously said, Free Speech comes with consequences and those consequences have to be weighed, especially when they can be directed at some innocent party and with terminal effects. While satire is a weapon in the iconoclasts armoury, it is by no means the only weapon at his or her disposal. Deliberate provocation can have devastating and unintended consequences. 

Free Speech, for many, is fine, providing one agrees with what's said. 

This brings us on to the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill, a wholly unnecessary bit of legislation to curtail our right to protest and subject it to arbitrary decisions. The existing laws, brought in under Margaret Thatcher, are sufficient for effective and efficient policing of demonstration; however, this legislation has been led by the policing of the BLM, XR and Reclaim The Streets demonstrations, which the government hates, along with other protests against the government.. 

While this new legislation will play well to the tabloid readership, it also has consequences for other demonstrations that are less controversial. Under the proposed legislation anyone can make a vexatious complaint about feeling offended or complain about the noise level and the protest can be broken up. 

A charismatic leader tells you what you want to hear in terms of policy, but is deliberately vague about the strategy and tactics needed to achieve that policy. That allows others to perpetrate whatever tactics they want, or interpret them to their best ability, with the leader's hands being unsullied. The police are being left in an untenable position.

Remember this?

"First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a socialist. 

"Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist. 

"Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. 

"Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me."

Protest is part of a democratic process and curtailing it can lead to a police state. Mind you , nothing surprises me with this government.

Neolithic vs Contemporary Design

 Well, I flashed up the Neolithic kono yesterday, but the results were disappointing.

The sides of the kono became very hot to the touch; 80-90 degrees, according to my infrared gun. The heat was leaking away through the perlcrete like there was no tomorrow. It's not that good an insulator.

Hay tried to cook some sausages in a pan on the griddle, but eventually had to place the pan directly on the coals. It didn't help that there was a fair bit of wind. Admittedly there wasn't a lot of charcoal, but certainly more than I'd used in the MkII on Saturday.

All in all, when all's said and done, at the end of the day, in conclusion, in the final analysis and to coin a phrase, the firebrick kono was a resounding success, whereas the Neolithic one needs further refinement. It could simply be that the air holes aren't large enough or that it's too deep (charcoal BBQs are usually much shallower), but it's fine as a firepit, leaving much to be desired as a device for proper cooking.

The base can easily be raised with some firebrick or the addition of a layer of fire cement, but that wouldn't cure the heat leakage through the sides and lining the inside sides isn't really an option. It would also increase the weight considerably and it weighs a ton already.

Handles are a must for moving it while it's on, whereas the MkII is easily moved by virtue of being much cooler on the outside, even though hotter inside.

Bingo BBQ

The bronze bow shackle arrived yesterday - just need a 12mm bronze one now for the smaller end of the link. I also ordered a longer and thicker bell rope..

The neodymium magnet handles arrived yesterday morning too.

Why use one handle when 6 will do? Flashed the kono up at midday with a thin layer of charcoal and a bit of kindling.

It didn't take long to get going and the digital vent worked like a dream.

It worked brilliantly, enough to cook some bacon.

It retains the heat far more efficiently than a metal BBQ and directs it upward, where it's needed. Hay also boiled a kettle on it. Here's a video of it working.

The griddle is a tad too flimsy, so I had an idea to use the griddle from our flatpack, steel firepit, which is far more beefy.

It's slightly too large, but adequate. It has a couple of lugs at each end, which help keep it on the kono  in the lateral direction and it's only a couple of mm too wide in the fore and aft. OK, it adds to the weight, but robustness is required in this case.

I contacted the guy in Honiton who made the firepit and enquired whether he did the griddles separately. Unfortunately he doesn't do them in stainless steel for our size of firepit, but the mild steel ones are only £25 plus £5 postage, so well worth getting one. Hay wouldn't be too keen on me using the one from the firepit anyway, as that's her baby. I will probably shave a couple of mm off the sides to get a 100% fit within the longer, aluminium cage rails. Hay's also ordering one of his pokers to use on the kono and the firepit. Oh, and a small, stainless steel firepit was ordered, as it transpires, for use when walking, although I wouldn't like to be the one lugging the logs. We'll soon have more BBQs and firepits than an American at this rate.

It was still belting out a fair amount of heat by 6pm - 6 hours after lighting it. I tipped the ash out to see what, if any, damage had been done to the interior, but beyond a bit of discolouration of the stainless insert, which was expected, it was pristine.

This project has triggered an interest in metal bending and folding equipment and I now have a hankering for a metal die set and a sheet metal brake. I guess that's going to have to be for my next birthday after the one in 2 weeks.

The kono has cost me, in total, £270, which is a bit less than a bought one, but I'd have to pay postage from Japan or the USA for one of those. However, given the savings I know I can make by not ordering double quantities and knowing exactly what parts I do need, or can adapt, I reckon I could make another for that price and turn a decent profit in the process.

Today I'm hoping to test the Neolithic kono.

Kono Finale (Almost), Bell & HMV

Got the damper back from my tame fabricator in exchange for a few beers and it now fits perfectly.

Had a slight mishap in that I'd suffered a puncture in my rear, offside tyre as a result of going to the fabricator's yard, which is littered with discarded bits of metal, one of which stuck in the tyre. Managed to get a mate at the local tyre place to plug it for £5, so there's another cost to add to the overall budget. 

I decided that, rather than cutting a rectangular hole for the vent to cover, I'd drill 3 holes, providing 3 distinct vent settings and used bolts with washers to attach  the top slider rail. The bottom slider rail slid perfectly and snugly behind the lower aluminium retaining cage stay and didn't require any fixing to the unit. The top rail and slider ensure it won't move from its seating.

The 3 holes make it digital, just to bring it into the 21st century, but I may yet decide, depending on how well it functions, to join the holes and make the vent control analogue - for that retro look.

I also stapled some metal mesh, salvaged from a defunct tower desktop carcass belonging to No.1 Son that was destined for the tip, over the inside of the vent holes so as to prevent hot cinders falling out through them.

All that's now required is a handle for the slider. I was thinking of drilling and tapping a screw hole to take a screw-in handle, but it suddenly struck me that a neodymium skittle magnet would be perfect, not requiring any drilling at all, plus I can move the magnet to wherever I want on the slider, or remove it completely if it's in danger of becoming too hot to handle. A pack of 6 is on order from eBay for £4, scheduled to hopefully arrive today.

OK, so it cost me a small fortune to make, but it was an experiment, necessitating some additional expenditure as I felt my way through the construction, but the next one will be much cheaper (although Hay maintains there will be no next one - I don't know where she gleaned that silly idea from...).

The bell rope has arrived, but it's pitifully small. I guess I'm just going to have to drag my memory on how to make one myself.

It's not so much the length as the girth, as the actress said to the Bishop.

Finally managed to find a couple of large, bronze bow shackles on Facebook Market for the very reasonable price of £7 each and £18.90 including postage, although I made it up to £20, which is still good value. I'm hoping they will arrive today too.

Now for the HMV, 1930s heater - it finally arrived on Wednesday after a bit of a kerfuffle with the seller, and I'm ecstatic about it. I think the seller wasn't happy with the price she got and it was telling that she had a negative review on eBay for exactly the same item a year ago, where the buyer complained she had reneged on the deal. She maintained the buyer hadn't paid her, but I find that argument somewhat specious, especially as she hadn't sent me the heater when she should have and had to be pressurised into it. You don't complain you've never received something when you haven't paid for it. 

I actually found her on Facebook where she was also selling this item on her Facebook page. I left a few words. She wanted me to message her on Messenger, but I insisted she contact me through eBay, where I had an open case on the resolution centre and an audit trail. Her excuse was that she was self-isolating, which I again thought an exercise in evasiveness, as she'd made no effort to contact me after the sale.

Anyway, it is fully functional and has just a couple of minor, superficial dents, which I can remove myself with a dent puller I bought a while ago. A light polish with silver polish and it looks an absolute treat - real 30s chic.

There can only be a handful of these left in the country and I was a) extremely lucky to find one and b) as lucky as a very lucky person to get it for the price I paid.