Political Influence for Sale

Political party funding in Britain is a scandal, a national embarrassment, and, if we are being honest, a barely disguised protection racket. At its core, it boils down to this: if you want to whisper sweet nothings into the ear of a senior MP or, better yet, have one legislate in your favour, all you need is a large chequebook and a willingness to keep schtum about the arrangement.

The Tories, of course, have turned this into an art form. Hedge fund managers, property developers and private healthcare investors pour millions into their coffers, purely out of their deep and abiding love for democracy, you understand. Labour, despite its roots in the working class, has edged ever closer to the same murky waters, with corporate donors sidling up to the party now that it no longer looks like it might frighten the horses.

This isn’t democracy. It’s an auction where the highest bidder gets favourable policy outcomes, a cosy dinner with ministers, or, if the sum is large enough, a peerage.

The solution? A blind trust system where donations go into a central pot, distributed equally among MPs within a party, at fixed intervals, and in a way that ensures neither donors nor recipients know who gets what. In other words, no more backroom deals, no more obligations, and no more grubby handshakes over champagne and canapés.

Of course, there would still be ways for donors to try to game the system. A well-placed nod, a knowing smile, or an anonymous tip-off that a sizeable donation is on the way would still leave the door ajar for influence. But this can be tackled. Large donations could be broken into tranches, distributed unpredictably over months or even years, making it impossible for any MP to connect their newfound financial security to any specific benefactor. Even better, donations above a certain threshold could be partially redirected into a common democracy fund, which would be shared across all parties proportionally based on the last election’s vote share. That way, even the biggest donors would never be certain where their money was actually going, killing off the incentive for targeted influence.

There’s also the problem of external influence, the shady think tanks and “independent” campaign groups that are really just holding pens for billionaires wanting to bypass party funding laws. That, too, could be outlawed. If you want to support democracy, you do it the same way everyone else does – through a system that doesn’t allow you to buy it outright.

Naturally, the political establishment would howl in protest. The Tories would call it an attack on free enterprise, Labour would mutter something vague before quietly shelving it, and Reform UK, if they are even still a thing by the time such reforms are seriously discussed, would find a way to blame immigrants.

If a neutral body like the Electoral Reform Society ran the system, it could be above party influence. The problem, of course, is that those who benefit most from the current system are the ones who would have to implement the change.

The only way this happens is if the public kicks up a stink, loud enough and long enough that politicians are forced to act. It would take a scandal of monumental proportions, a full-scale exposé that even the right-wing press couldn’t ignore. Until then, the money will keep flowing, the influence will keep growing, and democracy will remain a pay-to-play game where the richest always win.

But we could fix it. We just need to stop being so bloody polite about the corruption staring us in the face. Political influence in shaping policy is being bought by the wealthy - that's not right if we're to avoid following America and Russia down the Oligarchic toilet.