Vote First - Ask Questions Later

They’re back. Or more accurately, they’ve respawned. Reform UK – essentially UKIP in a new jacket from Sports Direct – is fielding candidates in local elections this May. Yes, local elections. The ones that decide how often your bins are collected, whether there’s a bus before sunrise, and if the pothole outside number 12 ever stops breeding.

You’d think this might prompt some sort of local manifesto. A vision. A modest plan for hedges, housing, maybe even a laminated timetable or two. But no. Reform’s approach appears to be this – ride the wave of national grievance, bang on about immigration, blame everything on “elites”, and hope no one notices that none of it applies to the bleeding parish budget.

The trick, of course, is that it works. People are so tired of the usual faces – and understandably so – that they’ll vote for anyone who doesn’t wear a tie properly and can say the word “woke” with a straight face. It’s not about ideas. It’s about vibes. And Reform is giving strong “uncle who talks over everyone at Christmas dinner” energy. Which, for some reason, is polling rather well.

But here’s what’s galling – they’ve learned absolutely nothing from UKIP’s brief, embarrassing flirtation with actual responsibility. Remember that? Back in 2013–15, when UKIP won a few councils and promptly collapsed into infighting, unpaid invoices, and policy black holes you could drive a bin lorry through. They couldn’t organise a litter pick, let alone a budget. One lot managed to spend half their term arguing about a flagpole. Another confused planning regulations with Sharia law. These are not fictional examples – they’re just buried deep in the local press archives where shame goes to die.

And now here comes Reform, swaggering in with the same energy – all chest, no clipboard – hoping you won’t notice it’s UKIP in a Nigel wig. They've no policies for your town, your street, your village hall. Just a list of national gripes and a vague promise to be angry in your general direction. What will they actually do if elected to the council? Deport the bins? Privatise the roundabouts?

They aren’t trying to govern. They’re trying to make a point. And that point is always the same – it’s someone else’s fault. Probably the French. Or the BBC. Or “activist councillors”, whatever that means this week.

So next time someone tells you they’re voting Reform because they “want change”, ask what sort. Do they want streetlights fixed, buses running, pavements mended – or do they just want someone to moan alongside while the actual problems get worse?

Because electing Reform to the council is like hiring a divorce lawyer to fix your boiler. Loud, expensive, and not remotely qualified for the job.