Reform Incompetence

So, Reform UK finally got what they wanted – power in a few dusty council chambers and the chance to run things instead of just shouting from the sidelines. And what did they do with it? Cancel meetings, miss their own inaugurals, and implode in a flurry of Elon Musk cosplay and burqa-banning brainwaves. The party of common sense, ladies and gentlemen.

Let’s start with the local council chaos, where Reform swept into town like a toddler with a sheriff badge – all noise, no nappies. Thirty-three meetings cancelled in just nine weeks. Not delayed. Cancelled. Apparently the heady responsibility of “governance” was too much. And who could’ve guessed that managing waste collections, potholes, and planning committees might require more than a TikTok account and a Nigel rosette?

In Kent, they ditched nearly half the scheduled meetings – including one called “governance and audit,” which, given the direction of travel, was probably the first casualty. Across the board, councillors failed to turn up. Some were probably too busy Googling what a council actually does. No doubt some are still waiting for instructions from headquarters, or possibly the Mothership.

And speaking of headquarters – or rather, headless chickens in blazers – let’s talk about DOGE, Reform’s idea of a Department of Government Efficiency. Modelled on Elon Musk’s efficiency drive, but without the rockets or, crucially, the competence. This was supposed to be their masterstroke – parachuting in unelected operatives to show all those dusty councillors how to save money by “cutting the woke.” Like a sort of reverse Robin Hood who robs from the poor and gives it to... Reform UK. They should have started by sacking the Reform councillors. 

But then – disaster! Their own appointed overlords, Zia Yusuf and Nathaniel Fried, resigned in protest. Why? Because someone in the party blurted out that they wanted to ban the burqa, and Zia, bless him, had the temerity to point out that this was both idiotic and unworkable. Naturally, he was shouted down by Lee Anderson, the intellectual black hole of the movement, and Richard Tice, who appears to believe policy should be decided by TalkTV phone-ins.

Zia’s departure was followed by Nathaniel’s. And just like that, DOGE was dead. No more digital dashboards, no more empty charts, no more consultants with clipboards asking parish clerks whether rainbow crossings represent a threat to the budget. What a loss.

The irony? A party obsessed with waste managed to waste its own initiatives within a fortnight. A party championing strong local government can’t even manage a quorum. A party screaming about free speech sacks the only bloke who used his – to question whether banning religious clothing might not be the winning message they thought it was.

Meanwhile, Reform voters are left wondering where all that common sense went. Spoiler: it was never there. What they’ve got instead is a half-baked culture war, a fantasy economics department, and a council calendar emptier than Lee Anderson’s reading list.

But don’t worry – if it all goes tits up, they can always blame the ECHR, the blob, or the Muslims. The dog ate their homework, and now the DOGE has legged it too.

Democracy, Reform-style: one cancelled meeting at a time.