Saturday, 7 February 2009

Saturday 07/02/09

Jeremy Clarkson has apologised for calling Gordon Brown a one-eyed Scottish idiot. Clarkson said: "In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the prime minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise." So it’s purely the one-eyed bit for which he apologises (personal appearance) and not the Scottish idiot bit, which has nothing to do with Gordon’s appearance. However, Gordon Brown is, to all intents and purposes, blind in one eye and thus Clarkson was commenting on a documented fact. Brown is Scottish, which is also a documented fact. Whether Brown is an idiot is debatable and thus a personal opinion, to which Clarkson is entitled. So what exactly is Clarkson apologising for? I would suggest it’s more the manner in which what he said was said, rather than its veracity; the manner in which his disability and his nationality are in some way linked to, or possibly the cause of, his idiocy, which could be interpreted as discriminatory.

A Salzburg insurance company has placed adverts for staff stipulating they must be born under Capricorn, Taurus, Aquarius, Aries or Leo. They claim the requirement is based on statistical research proving that such individuals are harder working. The advert breaks no discrimination laws, as they only cover race, age, religion and gender and it must be logically assumed that within groups of people born under certain star signs there are old and young people, men and women, etc.

For the last 13 years, Marks & Spencer has been fighting the VAT man as to whether they are entitled to reclaim the VAT charged on teacakes. On Thursday the issue was finally settled when the High Court when their Lordships decided that a teacake was a biscuit (on which there is no VAT) and not a cake (on which there is VAT). They are therefore entitled to a full refund of £3.5m.

Call me stupid or call me old fashioned, but I’d have thought that the clue was in the name – teacake. Lexicology is obviously not their Lordships’ strong point. Anyway, given that the VAT was in fact passed on to customers, we should form the Teacake VAT Pressure Group and reclaim the VAT we spent on teacakes at M&S, as it’s really the customers’ money and not M&S’s. Have you still got your receipts?

Hay was livid yesterday. She’d heard an interview with Dave from Essex, who had chosen not to immunise his kids against MMR due to the possible risks. Dave, who obviously knows more about immunology than a professor of immunology, thought it best for the body to fight disease ‘naturally’. I guess that must run to cholera, yellow fever and typhoid too, in which case I wouldn’t like to sit next to Dave on a plane returning from a holiday in India. Dave went on to say he’s not prepared to gamble with his kids’ lives. That’s despite the fact that 10% of kids who get measles having serious complications (diarrhoea, pneumonia, encephalitis and corneal ulceration) and a 3 per 1,000 mortality rate. I’d call that gambling with your children’s lives.

Some more art appreciation:

If you didn’t get that one, just Google “The Last Supper” and “disembodied hand”.










Beardsley provides endless possibilities for ‘amendment’, although he can be very rude at times

7 comments:

  1. And Jaffa Cakes - biscuit or cake?

    Richard

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  2. As I said - the clue is in the name. Also, there's nothing biscuity about them - they're all soft and squidgey.

    Rgds/TC

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  3. And don't start me on Pontefract Cakes!

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  4. And Kendal Mint Cakes - nothing squidgy there!

    Richard

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  5. There's nothing biscuity about Kendal Mint Cake. Nor is there about cakes of salt.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I believe the defence rested on the fact that biscuits go soft when stale, whereas cakes go hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. All this talk of cakes!!!

    I love the art and your comedy, TC, and Beardsley was the man, was he not!

    ReplyDelete