First I argued the AI deal makes Britain a landlord to American oligarchs, then I showed how their server barns will gorge on our grid while we pick up the bill.
Now for the final piece of the puzzle – the Sting (as a tribute to Robert Redford). And it’s beautifully simple. We let Microsoft, Google and Nvidia pour in their billions, build their vast humming server barns in Blyth and Hertfordshire, wire them into our creaking grid, and hire a handful of engineers. Then, just when the timing is right, we nationalise the lot. No compensation, just a crisp “thanks very much.”
It’ll be privatisation in reverse. Instead of flogging off national assets at knock-down prices to foreign speculators, we let the speculators build the assets for us – then whip them away. Nadella will be left scratching his head, Musk will be too busy tweeting about Mars, and Sundar Pichai will be learning what “we regret to inform you” sounds like in Geordie.
The beauty is in the branding. It won’t be theft, it’ll be “taking back control.” Finally, Brexit pays off. A sovereign AI industry, powered by British energy (once we actually build some), staffed by British workers, and wholly owned by His Majesty’s Government. Starmer can dust off his socialist roots and declare it the greatest transfer of wealth since Attlee.
Of course, Washington might notice. The Yanks tend to get twitchy when you pinch their toys. But that’s easily managed – Trump will be mollified with a shiny bauble, made an honorary Royal complete with ermine robe and Union Flag lapel pin. Problem solved.
And yes, before anyone in MI5 or the FBI starts filing a report – this is tongue in cheek. The reality remains what I’ve already argued: Britain is being hollowed out by American oligarchs, with the jobs, profits and energy all flowing one way. But it’s nice to imagine, just for a moment, a Britain that plays the long con – and wins.
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