Woof!

Veggie Loyalty Card for Games

Chairman Bill has discovered that being vegetarian does not necessarily mean someonewho eats vegetables. No.1 son has a friend staying for the few days. He was advertised as being vegetarian, but when asked what vegetables he likes, he said; "None." So, what's the name for a kid who doesn't eat meat, nor vegetables. I'd say the correct term is 'normal kid'.

Hay is wondering whether to risk life and limb by poking a stick with a pizza on the end of it into their cage.

Experiments with monkeys have shown that loyalty cards can work on those with limited intelligence. That's why computer game shops give them to kids. Perhaps parents should develop loyalty cards for their kids to get them to do jobs around the house.

Why is it that kids buy PS3 games that depict men as massive, muscle-bound thugs festooned with all manner of weaponry? There's simply no market for games called 'Atomic Scientist III', 'Revenge of the Mathematicians' or 'Accountancy Wars'.

Overheard in the Meeting

My company's HR Director is doing a 30 minute slot on the company HR policy and challenges.

Chairman Bill: "And are you ever intending to implement psychometric testing, which, for some inexplicable reason, seems to be all the rage in the UK?"

HR Director: "No."

CEO: "If we did, 40% of the people in the company wouldn't be here."

Hiatus Territory Marker

Overheard in the Caravan:

Hay: "Where did you put your dirty clothes?"

Chairman: "In the bedroom."

Hay: "You've left them in a pile in the corner. Why do you do that?"

Chairman: "Male thing - territory marker."

Hay: "It is, isn't it? Just because you can't get down and do a poo in the corner to mark your territory, you leave your soiled clothing there."

No posts for a few days. Am at a global sales conference at HQ in Israel till Wednesday. Taken No. 1 son with me this time to give him an experience. Might wean him off his PS3, although that is perhaps too much to hope for.

Was going to fly BA, but I didn't relish the idea of showing the steward to his seat or serving him his lunch and drinks in return for the privilege of flying with him aboard. Went KLM instead.

We're all off to dinner tonight with the CEO; they've kindly No.1 son along too. Nice people. It is a refreshing change to work for a company led by nice people.

Doctor Bill's Winehouse Vision

There was an item on the news earlier this week about tall people being more susceptible to cancer. Now this might be down to nothing more complex than the fact there are more cells in their bodies, and the higher the number of cells, the more there are to mutate and become cancerous.

Chairman Bill therefore has this recommendation for avoiding cancer - amputate extraneous limbs and hack out the bits you can do without, thus reducing your total number of cells and leaving less to go wrong. Simples!

The Chairman has warned Hayley repeatedly about the dangers of leaving the toilet seat down when going to bed, but does she listen? The Chairman navigates to the loo during the night, using his super-seeker night time sense (which means stumbling around in the dark and not switching on the light) and the result is absolute carnage - a bit like the result when one of your mates at school put cling film over the loo as a joke.

Amy Winehouse... A disaster waiting to happen - such a shame when she had so much talent. The irony is that, like so many pop stars before her, by her early death she has ensured her immortality in the pop firmament.

Below is an amusing image I came across.

Heated Greek Markets - Innit?

Overheard in the Caravan:

No.1 Son; "Hey dad, the grammar they teach at school is well bad, innit?"

A punishing heatwave has settled over central and eastern parts of the US, pushing temperatures as high as 37C (99F) and causing up to 22 deaths. That's nothing - we experienced 41.5 degrees in Rome last week. Mind you, I'm not sure whether they were suffering it day after day though.

Markets - you know, those entities which defy gravity and the laws of physics - have risen on the news that the spendthrift Greeks have been given yet more billions to fritter away on non-existent public sector jobs and a half day week. Surely dad (or German mum, in this case) paying off overextended son's bills - again - does not instil confidence in said son's ability to manage his finances responsibly.

Markets - funny things - never trust 'em, they're about as reliable as a News Corp witness.

Orthodoxy of Trade Pilgrimage

The grave holding the remains of Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess has been destroyed to stop it being used as a pilgrimage site by Daily Mail readers.

Did you know that until this week, any beverage containing less than 10% alcohol was classed by the Russian government as a foodstuff? Unbelievable!

I hear Eurozone finance ministers have administered a shot of £93.3bn to the Greek economy to stop it imploding. Isn't that like treating an alcoholic with alcohol?

I also hear Prince is to quit being a UK trade envoy, but what a popular American singer/songwriter was doing promoting UK trade is anyone's guess.

Just Teach 'Em

All schools in England should channel university scholarships to their poorest pupils, the deputy Liberal Democrat leader Simon Hughes has said.

I'd be happy if they just taught kids to read, write and do sums, regardless of their backgrounds. Now that would be a vast improvement.

Separated at Birth by a Custard Pie

I was watching BBC reporter John Sergeant doing a piece on TV the other night and it struck me how much he looks like the comedienne Jo Brand. Separated at Birth?

Speaking of media people, I hear Rupert Murdoch, the media tycoon, has been linked to sleazy MPs.

Rumour has it that the police had a trestle table set up outside the select committee meeting room and were offering all and sundry who wanted them some nice big custard pies.

Sweetie Success

We've discovered how to successfully hide sweeties and chocolate from No.1 son - put them in the packaging of healthy looking foods, such as muesli packets or sachets of nuts.

I wonder if he'll read this.