I'm a Burgundian Cyclist

According to the Telegraph, "The Health Secretary said 122,347 tests for Covid-19 were achieved on the final day of April, the self-imposed deadline he seemed likely to miss even earlier this week. However, the announcement swiftly attracted controversy as it emerged the tally includes swab kits sent to private homes and satellite testing sites not yet delivered to a laboratory for a result. More than 40,000 of the total announced fell into these two categories, but officials could not say how many of these - nor what proportion of the dramatic surge in numbers announced in the past few days - were made up of kits that have not yet been processed."

An argument now rages about what a test actually comprises. Logic would say that if 100,000 people have been tested (past participle), then 100,000 results would have been received. This does not seem to be the case. Targets where reputations are at stake should be achievable, rather than simply figures plucked from the air.

In a way, this also applies to Brexit. A self-imposed and, some would say, impossible target of a deal by the end of the year exposes poor thinking. Nothing is stopping the government from going for the full-fat WTO option now - in fact, many Brexiteers with little brain are advocating it. So why on earth wait till the end of the year? A half-arsed deal is, by the government's own admission, better than WTO. A fully-fledged deal, negotiated over a proper timescale, must therefore be even better than a half-arsed deal. It can only be a strategic move to force a deal which the UK desperately needs. This has all the hallmarks of a strategy that will backfire massively simply because it's so transparent.

Saw an interesting take yesterday on country comparisons for the handling of the pandemic - days to R, the Effective Reproductive Number, being under 1. "That's clever," was my first reaction; however; to know what R is, you still have to accurately know how many people have contracted the disease, which is in turn dependent on testing. A disease like measles is easy to identify through marks on the body, whereas something like Covid is difficult when many will be asymptomatic and  not all cases are reported. Perhaps not that clever after all.

Against all expectations, and after having received a text only yesterday that I could expect it on Tuesday next week, my new, burgundy passport arrived in yesterday's post.

I'm still Burgundian, despite Brexiteers repeatedly insisting we have already left the EU, and all that bollocks. Couldn't run a Brexit in a brewery.

We use the term 'all that bollocks' for fripperies and excrescences that are unnecessary. Why would this be when bollocks are somewhat essential accessories for the average bloke? Should we perhaps not use the term 'appendix', 'celebrity' or 'lockdown breaker's brain' to denote something that's not essential or under used?

Here's a conundrum that's a load of bollocks, but pertinent during the lockdown. You can get early at a place and be first in the queue; however, you then have to wait for whatever it is that has to open, and you may have to arrive half an hour early in order to be at the front of the queue. Arrive later and you still have to stand in a queue, but at least it's moving. It's an impossible calculation, as the variables are too great; however, if you do arrive first, it's almost impossible to say to yourself; "Oh, bugger it, I'll come back later." The feeling of loss would be too great - it's a proven psychological phenomenon that the sense of loss (leaving the 1st position in a queue) far outweighs a sense of gain.

My bike has returned from the repair shop, requiring a spoke replacement and a few gears replacing. I've fitted the new armchair seat, and very comfortable it is too. Added a rear mudguard to prevent splashes up my back.

The Chairman's Fat Arse Special.