Thursday 7 July 2022

Key Points

 Key points from overnight reporting:


  • PM denies ever having met with Truth.
  • PM denies mass resignations from his government.
  • 1922 Committee looking into having Boris Johnson sectioned as a narcissistic sociopath or, failing that, bringing in an exorcist.
  • Being convinced he can beat Suella Braverman, Larry the No.10 Cat announces his entry into leadership contest.
  • Fearing Suella Braverman could win the leadership contest, the 1922 Committee has asked Boris to stay on.
  • Sacking of Gove results in Johnson appointing Bob the Builder as Levelling Up Secretary.
  • Danny Boyle announces plot development for a new film - Carry On PM.
  • Her Majesty was caught smirking.
  • Theresa May hospitalised with severe case of the giggles.
  • Many Tory MPs on record claiming Johnson has a 'mandate from the people', thus demonstrating that candidates need a basic GCSE in how Parliament works before standing as an MP.
  • Nadine Dorries now has 20 government portfolios and has submitted a letter of no intelligence.
  • Johnson considering appealing to the ECHR and American Supreme Court.
  • Carrie Johnson seen buying wallpaper steamer from B&Q.
  • Argentina has taken advantage of the confusion and annexed the Scillies. The Irish say the Scillies belong to them.
  • Johnson to bring in agency Ministers.

No comments: