Key points from overnight reporting:
- PM denies ever having met with Truth.
- PM denies mass resignations from his government.
- 1922 Committee looking into having Boris Johnson sectioned as a narcissistic sociopath or, failing that, bringing in an exorcist.
- Being convinced he can beat Suella Braverman, Larry the No.10 Cat announces his entry into leadership contest.
- Fearing Suella Braverman could win the leadership contest, the 1922 Committee has asked Boris to stay on.
- Sacking of Gove results in Johnson appointing Bob the Builder as Levelling Up Secretary.
- Danny Boyle announces plot development for a new film - Carry On PM.
- Her Majesty was caught smirking.
- Theresa May hospitalised with severe case of the giggles.
- Many Tory MPs on record claiming Johnson has a 'mandate from the people', thus demonstrating that candidates need a basic GCSE in how Parliament works before standing as an MP.
- Nadine Dorries now has 20 government portfolios and has submitted a letter of no intelligence.
- Johnson considering appealing to the ECHR and American Supreme Court.
- Carrie Johnson seen buying wallpaper steamer from B&Q.
- Argentina has taken advantage of the confusion and annexed the Scillies. The Irish say the Scillies belong to them.
- Johnson to bring in agency Ministers.
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