Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Drug Wars


The news is full of reports of crazed drug gangs fighting turf wars in our streets. It seems that these turf wars are over an intelligent designer drug called ‘Bliss’.

Bliss apparently makes one become extremely irrational, but only at certain times – specifically on Sundays when they believe the laws of physics are temporarily suspended.

The wars are being fought by the main cartels responsible for spreading this heinous drug; the infamous Vatican Cartel and the Canterbury Cartel, the latter of which is locked in a bitter internal feud over how many angels can dance on the head of a pin and the temperature at which sherry should be served.

Reports from the streets say that the Vatican Cartel, headed by the infamous Ratzo XXVIIIIIII has been luring ‘caporegimes’ away from the Canterbury Cartel by offering them dispensations to the Vatican Cartel’s strict code of ‘omerta’, such as allowing them to live with their wives, but not boyfriends (the Canterbury Cartel's caporegimes are renowned for being able to do virtually anything, providing it doesn't frighten horses or involve small children).

The head of the Canterbury Cartel, Dr. ‘Mad Dog’ Williams, is thought to be ‘rather peeved’, but has so far failed to respond in any meaningful way. It is suspected a high level meeting of the two rival bosses will take place under the auspices of The Commission. Great pains will be taken to ensure the bosses do not come armed with warm sherry or Bliss-infused wafers.

You can read the full story here.


6 comments:

  1. Most insightful CB. If it wasn't so true it would almost be funny.

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  2. Splendid!

    These gangs have certainly had a long time to perfect their racketeering, some say Bernie Madoff's only mistake was to promise returns in this life.

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  3. In the same way that watching David Cameron talk about equality is funny. Funny but quite frightening.

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  4. I was to tired too try and make sense of the silly church-story, but the photo of Mexico's Brad Pitt perked me up ;-)

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