Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Archbishop Cohen of Lancashire


Overheard in the caravan:

Chairman: “Is there anywhere within the Bristol / Bath area where I can get some decent, strong, crumbly Lancashire cheese? Can’t seem to find the stuff anywhere down here.”

Hay: “I’m not sure – I don’t think there’s much of a demand around here for foreign cheese. I think there may be an ethnic shop in Bristol where they sell lard, Chorley cakes, black pudding, flat caps and whippets, but you’ll need an interpreter.”

The General Synod has convened and one of the subjects under discussion will be female bishops. If these fundamentalists who abhor the idea of women in positions of power in the Church are serious, they should also logically insist that CoE priests can only be such if they have the surnames Cohen or Levi.

Does anyone know what you’re meant to do on a Day of National Mourning?

Here’s a teaser for you. Under what circumstances is the Saudi flag lowered to half mast?

Now for a Christmas tip. If you detest the cloying, heavy, sickly taste of traditional Christmas pudding, get yourself down to Lidl and buy their panatone or stollen Christmas pud instead. We had one of each between 7 of us last weekend and they’re deliciously light. Instead of breaking your teeth on a silver sixpence you can clamp your gnashers down on either a miniature metallic Roman fasces or a miniature metallic swastika.


2 comments:

  1. When the oil runs out?

    Actually the real answer is never, apparently you can't express human solidarity and emotion if you believe in blood soaked 7th century mythology. What with this and Christmas pudding you have a couple of right royal dessert dogmas?

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  2. Steve: is the correct answer!

    I find the reason rather strange, as you can have the words half way down a page of writing and no-one bats an eyelid - there's stuff above the incantation. Lower the flag and you get your hand chopped off - or worse.

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