Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The Tooth Whitening Secret Dentists Don’t Want You to Know About

With families facing tighter budgets, many are turning to the internet to take advantage of advice in order to save money and keep living expenses low. Kelly, a mother of thirteen and a part-time badger sexer, is one such consumer. Kelly recently discovered a clever way of combining three different products to get one incredible whitening effect comparable to what you might expect paying £300 or more for with your dentist.

Kelly’s story of how she wound up with yellow teeth sounds all too familiar to some:

"I probably did quite a few things over the years that contributed to my stained teeth. I drink battery acid, I like Red Bull, I chew otter spleens and I never floss, even though I know it’s important. I never really noticed until recently just how discoloured my teeth were. But a few months ago I breathed over my husband and he died from toxic shock. Then I thought I’d start saving up some money to have a dentist bleach my teeth, but was blown away when I found out it would cost me £350, which the stingy bastards at the NHS wouldn’t cover.”

Kelly’s solution was to combine Domestos household bleach, Superglue and Dulux white polyurethane paint. See the dramatic results this easily concocted recipe produced:

Before After

The results are self-evident from the completely unretouched photos above. You too can have a film star smile if you follow Kelly’s advice.

Here are some testimonials from satisfied users:

Bob Guttersnipe of Blackburn: “I used Kelly’s product and had this fizzing sensation for a few minutes before my mouth exploded. I no longer have problems with the whiteness of my teeth.”

Vanity Fair of Bath: “This amalgam of household items is simply stupendous – it may well whiten teeth (I wouldn’t know, as I didn’t try) but it did manage to get rid of a nasty patch of mould in my bathroom that has been plaguing me for years.”

Russell Hobbs of Norwich: “One I’d been discharged from Intensive Care I noticed how my teeth were gleaming white, although I could have done without needing the Fire Brigade to prise them apart.”

The above advert was inspired by one of those obviously American adverts on Facebook, which have been manipulated to look British, but could only fool a halfwit.


  1. I wonder if Pam Ayers will see this? lol

  2. mwhahahahahaaaa - brilliant. where can i buy a package of THIS!