Saw an advert yesterday for an album by a singer-songwriter called Newton Faulkner. Sounds more like a town. I've never quite understood the penchant of some Caucasians for wearing dreadlocks.
Following my approach to the Neighbourhood Watch committee yesterday, and in recognition of the fact I have recent experience of oak roof trusses and oak cladding, I have been appointed Keeper of the Stocks within the newly created Neighbourhood Vigilante committee. I am certain this is what the government means by 'swift and sure justice'.
The village stocks are in a poor state after decades of neglect and I shall give them a rough wire brushing, followed by a liberal coat of Danish oil, which is actually boiled linseed oil. Boiling linseed oil polymerises it, facilitating long-lasting protection for wood.
Now some of you might not agree with restorative retribution, or lynch-mob vengeance, as we experts in justice call it. However, the laws are set by the politicians and the politicians receive their mandate from the electorate - all we're doing is cutting out the middle-man and thereby assisting with public service cuts. Times are hard, after all, and we all need to make sacrifices - especially of recidivists.
I'm currently trying to persuade the village knitting circle to turn their hands to weaving a wicker man and local farmers to donate some pitchforks to the village armoury I'm creating. I'm also hopeful of the local poultry farmer providing a steady supply of feathers to go with the few barrels of tar I've asked the council highways department for.
Following my approach to the Neighbourhood Watch committee yesterday, and in recognition of the fact I have recent experience of oak roof trusses and oak cladding, I have been appointed Keeper of the Stocks within the newly created Neighbourhood Vigilante committee. I am certain this is what the government means by 'swift and sure justice'.
The village stocks are in a poor state after decades of neglect and I shall give them a rough wire brushing, followed by a liberal coat of Danish oil, which is actually boiled linseed oil. Boiling linseed oil polymerises it, facilitating long-lasting protection for wood.
Now some of you might not agree with restorative retribution, or lynch-mob vengeance, as we experts in justice call it. However, the laws are set by the politicians and the politicians receive their mandate from the electorate - all we're doing is cutting out the middle-man and thereby assisting with public service cuts. Times are hard, after all, and we all need to make sacrifices - especially of recidivists.
I'm currently trying to persuade the village knitting circle to turn their hands to weaving a wicker man and local farmers to donate some pitchforks to the village armoury I'm creating. I'm also hopeful of the local poultry farmer providing a steady supply of feathers to go with the few barrels of tar I've asked the council highways department for.
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