Friday, 7 August 2009

Buy a baby - or a laser liposucker


Well, beside the potato question from Alan (which I was obviously going to get), it would appear no-one is interested in asking me questions. Good – it saves me unburdening myself about that embarrassing incident in Singapore in ’72.

A musical lampooning pop star Madonna's attempts to adopt a young African girl from Malawi is being performed at the Edinburgh Fringe by a Malawian cast.

What is it about the adoption by celebrities of underprivileged children from the 3rd world that causes us to mock? Some very ordinary people do it all the time and receive nothing but praise, yet film stars and celebrities do it and we cringe with repugnance.

Is it possibly that their money enables them to surmount with relative ease the barriers that mere impecunious mortals such as ourselves have to contend with? That’s nothing more than envy.

Is it because we view anything a celebrity does as shallow and a mere fad? Perhaps because the celebrity lifestyle is so vacuous that they need to ‘acquire’ a ‘family’ to give their emotionally bereft lives meaning? Having lots of babies is not conducive to holding onto a long-term career, as there’s the relentless need to look 20yrs younger than you are, thus popping out a maximum of one or two is the limit. However, isn’t such a view just a generalisation and prejudiced?

Is it because it is something the vast majority of us would never even consider doing in a month of Sundays, and we therefore ascribe the desire in moneyed celebrities to an ulterior motive – a selfish motive that resonates inside us and would be the only reason we ourselves would consider doing it?

Perhaps a more pertinent question to ask ourselves is why we wouldn’t do it – and I’ll bet the answers are not to our liking.

Answers and observations on a postcard to the usual address.

It would appear that the Jackson family are set to make $1Bn from MJ’s death. I wonder if any of the Jacksons are now continually looking over their shoulders and hoping to hell their father isn’t creeping up on them from behind in the hope of making another billion.

While browsing Facebook yesterday I notice an advert for a device called the SlimRay Lipolaser.



The device is meant to work on the principle that the laser non-invasively melts subcutaneous fat which is then washed away by the body’s natural fat removal mechanism. Well, if you know what a laser is you’ll know that this can only be a load of old bollocks designed to relieve the gullible of their cash. There is no way a laser could melt fat without punching a bloody great hole in your skin and vaporising several internal organs you might find it difficult to live without. Lasers have a habit of melting everything in their path, or being so weak as to bounce off whatever they touch.

The blurb says it is proven to be safe. Of course it’s bloody safe - torches with red plastic caps on the end (which is what this device obviously is) are not generally considered hazardous to life and limb. A true laser capable of melting fat would certainly not run off a couple of tripe A batteries, nor would you be allowed to buy one over the counter. If these things did work, Al Qaeda would be cornering the Market and using them in crowded places.

I detest these companies (invariably American) that make money by ripping off the gullible and ill educated.



12 comments:

  1. Mornin, Bill. 1972 eh? Bloody good year that was. Olga Korbett, Harlem Globetrotters, French Connection - don't tell me you sullied it all.

    I hate Facebook - its full of tacky things like that. xxx

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  2. Jenny: Then there was Dorking too. I'll never live that one down.

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  3. There are a lot of children in the UK looking for adoptive parents (and presumably in the US) but the road to adoption is a long and rocky one - this is how it should be - and I know that because friends of mine have just adopted after many years of trying. Nothing wrong with that for Social Services want to be certain that the child is going to a safe and secure home.

    When a wealthy "Star" sweeps into a third world country and - to all intents and purposes buys a child I am not jealous but I do see it as sleazy and not, perhaps, in the best interests of the child. The star could have course adopted from her home country but this would have been a long and difficult process so if you can afford it why not bypass all those silly people who think that they know best and buy a child!

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  4. Richard: And if those who desperately want a child, but can't, and are facing the arduous process of negotiating the rocky road of adoption had the money to buy abroad, do you think they would? And would we censure them for so doing?

    It's moneyed celebs we have a problem with.

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  5. No that is not true - The arduous process is there for good and sufficient reason - to protect the child. And yes someone with money may be able to buy a child from the third world but I would condemn them and be suspicious of their motives regardless of their level of "fame".

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  6. And I would be especially suspicious of their motives if they had been turned down by social services already.

    Richard x x x

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  7. Richard: Despite having 4 kids, I would probably be turned down for adoption. Probably just as well - no-one would have me.

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  8. After what happened in Singapore in 1972 are you surprised that you would be turned down as an adoptive parent! And could you please keep your scientific insights into such things as the lipolaser to yourself as I am thinking of investing in one. It is the idea that "the results speak for themselves" that I love. Surely it is worth a few quid to give voice to your stomach?

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  9. Having had various grand-sprogs staying with us over the last couple of weeks, I wonder if I could temp an over-paid under-talented semi-celebrity to purchase one or two of them? I'm fairly sure their respective mothers would be grateful of the £2.75 they'd get for each one.

    I love the idea of lasering my stomach fat away, but I don't think the one shown would be any good at all - I'd probably lose it somewhere round the navel area. Let me know if they make one the size of a WW2 searchlight amd then I'll be ok!

    Enjoy yer dayz back in de 'pool coz youz knowz dat it's de real home of real peeples were dey speek the propper Inglish. Some years ago, when visiting my old stomping grounds, we stayed in the Adelphi for a couple of nights (at a reduced rate due to the fact that my cousin worked there - the only reason at the time we could afford it!). We found it to be "acceptable" if a bit stuffy and pretentious and trading on its past glories. They didn't seem to have much of a sense of humour there when I asked for beans on toast though.

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  10. It's a shame that we are so focused on sniping at good parents because they are famous, rather than doing more about the number of children killed by their own parents every year in the UK. All that matters is the happiness and well-being of the child. And Mercy and David are certainly very happy.

    Laser fat removal pens... hmm... I wonder if the power of the mind has anything to do with the success of the product - like a placebo effect. Maybe people feel the heat of the bulb, believe that it is working, and their brain sends out signals to remove the fat. Or perhaps this is what will be filling the dustbins in a years time (when the new and improved advanced model is launched, of course)

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  11. I am the gullible and un-educated and I have no idea why you would want to adopt a child let alone one from another country but I guess I kind of admire those that.
    So it was you in Singapore in 72( can I have my snorkel back ?)

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  12. Your 08:42 comment made me laugh out loud.

    I agree with the Irascible Fairy. To my mind charity begins at home, and fostering and adoption should be carried out quietly and very very carefully. Not with global hoo-haa Madonna style. What's wrong with the thousands of caucasian or black or hispanic kids in care in the US? In the UK? Too damaged? Trailing too much cultural baggage? The possibility of biological parents getting their talons into Madonna's fortune? On the other hand I read that in Malawi Madonna is almost a goddess, because Malawians believe that she cares about this most poverty-stricken of countries and is doing good by bringing so much publicity. There's too sides to every story. Whatever, I hope the child has a long, happy and fulfilled life --

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