Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Have You Got A Dave?

Hay’s sister has a theory that everyone has a Dave in their mobile phone address book, but they can’t for the life of them remember which Dave it is as there’s no surname. I certainly have one. Do you have an unknown Dave, or someone else, in your mobile’s address book?

We’re having a spate of insurance TV adverts here in the UK trying to persuade older people to put some money into an account that will pay for their funeral expenses. To be honest, once I’ve gone I couldn’t give a damn about my funeral expenses. For all I care they can put me in the council dustcart and take me to a landfill site. However, as I’ve wiped their arses more times than I care to remember and given them the benefit of my wisdom for many more, it’ll be a sad day when my kids can't be bothered to club together to give me a burning Viking long ship funeral off the Severn Estuary.

Another development I’m not that comfortable with is no-win-no-fee adverts for injury liars – sorry, lawyers. It’s turning people into litigious, money-grabbing bastards. There’s an all-pervading nastiness that’s creeping into our society which maintains that nothing is your own fault and someone else must be to blame. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

On the money-grabbing issue, it won’t be long before we in the UK have to vote for a new government. It’s a fact of life that the major parties will bribe us with our own money to vote for them; however, a large proportion of voters are too stupid to realise that the benefits we are offered are pulled from our own pockets in the form of tax.

There was an item on the BBC news last night about the forthcoming world land speed record attempt by Bloodhound SSC and what a challenge it will be. I don’t wish to pour cold water over the attempt, but I fail to see the challenge in strapping a set of wheels to what is in effect a missile capable of much higher speeds than the land speed record. Making an engine that’s capable of powering a car to over 1,000 MPH without rattling itself to pieces in the process is certainly a challenge of phenomenal proportions, but attaching yourself to a jet is not.

It was also mentioned on the news that YouTube will be headlining the Glastonbury Festival. How low can contemporary music get when a popular multi-media video-sharing website becomes a headline act at one of the best known music festivals on the planet.


  1. You score a full set on the "I agree with Chairman Bill" scorecard today. I have hundreds of Daves and no idea which is which. I will occasionally text them saying "How r u Dave" which seems to keep them all happy. I too am determined not to leave a policy to pay for what Michael Parkinson et al call "those final little expenses". And as for Injury Lawyers Direct or whatever they are called. .... don't get me started.

  2. Talking of money-grabbing in politics, I read today that if MPs expenses are constrained (that'll be the day) there will be an unseemly ruck for ministerial positions, which are better paid than MPs. Or, MPs will seek outside jobs/consultancies to 'top up' their already inflaed salaris, and will no longer be seen in parliament. So what's new?

  3. Just Looked... I concur 16 Daves with nothing other than a country code to offer some small hope of talking to the right person.

    I am now going to sit down and call them all and admit the faux pax and add descriptions to the address book to seperate them..

  4. Alan: I have a Dave and a Dave & Karen. Luckily I know who the Dave & Karen is by virtue of the Karen.

    Louise: Only the landed gentry needing no money should be MPs, as it was years ago when MPs weren't paid....

    Phil: 16 Daves must be a record.

  5. Thought Dave was a Tv channel. And why are they called lawyers? I thought they were solicitors xx

  6. I have several female versions of Dave.

    A Viking funeral sounds good! The offspring should start collecting wood.

  7. No Dave on my mobile - but then I no longer have a mobile! I am probably the only person in Belgium or perhaps Europe that has given them up. Can't stand them, but then I also hate the landline too!