Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Strike the Tubular Bells With a Felt-Tipped Pen - But Don't Eat It

The forces of angry self-righteousness are at work in my company following the announcement of the zero annual pay rise. Some are talking of union action; I will not be joining them. If prices are coming down due to he economic crisis then everyone is better off anyway. Interest rates are lower that they’ve ever been and the bargains available in shops are legion – what’s their problem?

I should have reported on this yesterday, but I felt it was a storm in a teacup. For some inexplicable reason the British PM, Darth Brown, is being castigated by all and sundry for writing with a felt-tipped pen. That arbiter of taste and decency, The Sun newspaper is leading the charge. I’d be surprised if most Sun readers could write their own names, let alone harness the artistic and calligraphic resources afforded by a felt-tipped pen. I sometimes wonder why The Sun bothers with a crossword puzzle – it must the most under-utilised few square inches of paper in the known universe. The average human uses 15,000 different words in his or her daily vocabulary; I doubt that the average Sun reader uses more than 200, and 50 of those will be ‘tits’.

I must admit though that from the picture of his letter in the news that Brown does seem to have the limited handwriting skills of a doctor or someone with Tourette’s, but he does try. The man is half blind and only uses a felt-tipped pen because he can see what he’s writing. I wonder if the dark forces of Parker, Waterman or Sheaffer put The Sun up to this smear campaign against his writing skills.

In a surprise move, initiated by stupid American parents who allow their kids to stick their fingers into the hinges of Maclaren folding prams when they are being folded or unfolded, all motor manufacturers are to recall all cars sold in North America to have the doors welded up in case their kids accidentally trap their hands in car doors when slammed shut. Motor cycle manufacturers are also going to get in on the act by issuing notices with their North American products saying ‘Do Not Eat’.

The winners of the Euromillions lottery were announced yesterday. Hay and I were talking about what we’d do with £43m if we won that amount. Hay said she’d do some serious bio-chemical research while I said I’d go to all the exotic places I’ve never been – Machu Picchu, Blackburn, Leeds, Barrow in Furness, Hull and Scunthorpe. I might even go so far as to splurge out on a cruise to the isle of Man.

Here’s something I put on my Xmas Amazon wish list last night. Brings back so many good memories.

Tubular Bells, anchovies and gorgonzola – heaven!


  1. Imagine forty three million, you could buy a lot of non-hinged buggies for that.
    I have had a zero pay rise for a couple of years now but sometimes, just sometimes I do actually like my job and at least I have one. ( Infact I have two ).
    This music tends to be played between acts at holiday centres. I hope that doesn't spoil it for you because basically it is a lovely piece.

  2. There are lots of stupid American stories. Unfortunately we've evolved into a sue me sue you society over here. My daughter had her fingers slammed in the car door one time. Sadly I was the slammer. Children should be warned that their parents can be hazardous to their health...ha So much for the Mother of the Year award.
    Good for you for standing up and not going with the Union. It's a tight year at Buster's workplace too, but we have lots of blessings to focus on.

  3. I don't agree with this (or any) wars but I am staggered in this day and age that a PM writes these letters himself, by hand and that someone who had sadly lost her son has been exploited by the press in this way, to try to bring GB down... Who else would have been able to record his 'apology' telephone conversation with her and have primed her with questions to ask?

    Very sad, and he's gone up in my estimation that he takes the time, and cares enough, to write to these folks, given his sight issues... A great piece, Sir! x

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