Friday, 6 August 2010

Homing Breasts

Beastly sorry for the hiatus in posting; been off ill for a few days, followed by a hectic schedule at work.

Some Brazilian supermodel has proposed that all mothers should be forced to breast feed their babies by law for the first six months of their lives. I would propose that this law should go much further and that all supermodels must be forced by law to offer their breasts to all men over the age of 20.

Ruth Brooks, a 69-year-old amateur scientist, has apparently discovered that her garden snails have a homing instinct. She discovered this by painting snails’ shells in different identifying colours, taking them further and further from her garden and noting if they returned. I wonder if someone could conduct the experiment with children to determine the optimum non-return distance. The problem, I suspect, is that it’s age related in kids and once they get above 18 the distance becomes infinite and you can never shake them off.


  1. Sadly, your suspicions regarding the homing instincts of offspring aged over 18 are quite correct. However, on the bright side, they only return when they run out of money.

  2. Glad to know you are recovering from your illness and glad to discover that the said illness did not impair your literary style. Inimitable, I've always said it, inimitable.

  3. I wonder if there's a bunch of snails somewhere discussing the observation that "the quicker you get back to their cabbage patch the more likely it is that they give you a free make-over"...