Saturday, 14 August 2010

New Model Army

Defence Secretary, Dr Liam Fox, has announced plans for a slimmed down version of the Ministry of Defence – a bit like Tesco’s Value range.

It is thought that the Royal Navy will be recruited from the ranks of redundant Somali pirates, the Royal Air Force will be sponsored by Stelios Haji-ioannou and be called EasyRAF and the British Army (why is it not royal?) will be replaced by the Royal Tesco Security Guards and some assorted head bangers from Millwall Football Club.

Weapons will be provided by Maplin’s and comprise bits you can’t find a requirement for just now, but will come in handy sometime in the future when you’re building a nuclear ray gun.


  1. AH! Being ex-RAF I have a take on this ...

    Since it is an organisation of a hodge-pdge of previously disparate regiments and corps that do have the "Royal" prefix, it was not considered necessary.

    Some of these include the 'Royal Horse Guards', the 'Royal Armoured Corps', the 'Royal Engineers' the 'Royal Corps of Signals' and the now defunct 'Royal Corps of Transport' ..... to name a few!

    In the 60's the RAF almost matched the Army in this respect. Apart from the obvious 'Bomber Command' and 'Strike Command', we ended up with various 'Commands' that almost made you laugh out loud. For chrissake we even had a 'Catering Command'; the equivalent of a 'Royal Corps of Cooks'!?!

    Now that I have retired I can see the NEED for trimming the fat. But let it be from the 85% of snivel-servants that make up the numbers of the MoD, first, and let the boys (and girls) of the various arms get on with the job they signed up for.

  2. And to make matters worse the card shop in our town has just put out the Christmas cards!!

  3. At least you still have an Airforce - I think Enzed's has been reduced to a peddle driven flight simulator, a kite and a couple of paper darts. :^)

  4. Ah yes, we'll be able to open a Free School in the morning, stop up a traffic order at noon, deal with someone mugging an old lady in the street at two and be at the hospital for four, in time to do at least one hip operations...

    Cameroon's Big Society. Sod the poor. x