Thursday, 2 April 2009

April Fish

Due to my absence yesterday on a business trip, today's blog is a Guest Post from a regular reader and commentator - Kapgaf.

Normal service should be resumed tomorrow.

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Most of the readers of this blog know a certain number of facts about Mr Chairman (Hay, c-a-r-a-v-a-n, atheism, boats, mesh) but what you didn’t know is that he is fobbing you off with second best. This is serious. I’m blogging for him today because he says he’s too busy (yes, well, the other one plays ‘I believe’), but I think it’s important to inform you that I was not his first choice (message to the person who he did ask first : I hope you’re thinking “I’d have done it much better” and I hope that you will). Anyway, as you can probably tell I’ve said yes, but as I’m simultaneously cooking rabbit stew I will ask you to forgive any stains that might appear on the page.

Why the title? Well, it refers to yesterday because here in France they don’t say April Fool when they finally reveal that you haven’t won the lottery / had a new cheese named after you / been selected for Nouvelle Star (You’ve Got Talent or American Idol or whatever it is in your country of residence), they say April Fish.

In keeping with our Chairman’s comments on current affairs, I had a quick look at France’s three major newspapers : Le Figaro/ Telegraph, Le Monde / The Times and Libération / The Grauniad. No I didn’t look at L’Equipe, because it’s for sports lovers and I am not a sports lover.

A story in Libération caught my eye: a ban on smoking on the streets and a special brigade to enforce the ban (suggestions of the name for this brigade on a postcard please, “dog-ends” and “stubs” are already taken). I have to admit that as a non-smoker for a while now (roughly 17 months, 4 days, 3 hours and 22 minutes at the time of writing), this sounds like a good way to reduce temptation. But then I clicked and read on: special anti-cigarette brigade on roller-blades. Hmm, still plausible, they do have patrolling roller-blade policemen in Paris (if you don’t believe me, click here). However, I then learned that they would be armed with fluorescent pink or green water-pistols - and the game was up. Nice try, particularly the new slogan “Smoking damps”.

But the main news is of course the G20 and I expect that most of you are feeling pretty peeved that Nicolas Sarkozy is not on your side. After all, as he keeps telling us, he is a superhero (click here) who has single-handedly solved every problem in France (Europe, the Earth, the Solar System, the Galaxy, the Universe) including “la crise” (pronounced “creaze”, presumably to rhyme with “breeze” as in “solving it was a……..”).

The sweetest story today is that of Monsignor Twenty-Three (I kid you not, the man is called Monsignor Vingt Trois!).


He has said that, in these times when much hatred is levelled at the Pope, he would like to assure the Pope of the collective affection of the Episcopal conference. Isn’t that nice? Benoit (aka Benedict) was reported as saying: “People hate me? Was it something I said?”

Out of curiosity, I looked up the name Vingt-Trois and the story goes that it was because his great-great grandfather was abandoned. I suppose if you’ve only got the house number and not the name of the street, there’s not a lot you can do.

And I will leave you with the last piece of news to catch my eye: 150 gendarmes are being sent to Afghanistan. I thought, “Traffic must be really snarled up,” then I thought. “Well if it isn’t now, it soon will be.” But then I saw that the Head of State has said that sending more soldiers is out of the question, so obviously the gendarmes are second best - and I know how that feels so now I’m thinking, “Poor buggers.”

19 comments:

  1. I'm told you can starve if you eat only rabbit. It's called rabbit starvation.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_starvation

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  2. I thought I might broaden my limited knowledge by frequenting this little corner. Whether it's the Chairman or his guests, all you seem to focus on is sex, politics or religion! I'm not sure I can take much more of this, so could you post your recipe for rabbit stew instead?
    P.S. I must say I think the 'Butt Patrol' is a great idea.

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  3. Great Blog - HURRAH - much better than the other one would have done!

    AND

    If you check your copy of the Mariner's Handbook - the chapter on survival in the Arctic it warns against a diet of only rabbit - apparently the human digestive system cannot use rabbit after about a week - you shouldn't eat Polar Bear livers either - or is that seal liver?

    AND

    In the days of my youth - sometime last week that would be - I used to go to several clubs and bath-houses where the Butt Patrol was very much in evidence!

    Richard x x x

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  4. CB: looked up your link. Vilhjalmur Stefansson had a really wild haircut.

    Belle : I like the hint of sex in your P.S.

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  5. IF : now why did I just know that you were going to comment on the butt patrol ?

    All : tick the bloody boxes !(now I understand why CB is forever reminding me to do it)

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  6. Will the gendarmes being sent to Afghanistan be issued with regulation water pistols?

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  7. Were there any cigarettes involved Mister Fairy?

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  8. Dear Belle - I haven't smoked for years!

    #Richard x x x

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  9. louise : regulation fluorescent navy blue water pistols

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  10. Dear kapgaf - and sometimes it's really nice to fulfil peoples expectations - kinda relaxing - like becoming "The Starlight"

    Richard x x x

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  11. IF : what's "The Starlight" ?
    And did yew know that IF in French means yew ?

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  12. Just testing your knowledge of obscure musicals! I was singing along when I wrote the comment - I am now listening to Mame.

    You mean Yew as in the wood used for the longbows that beat the French at Agincourt? Again a reason to be proud of being an IF!

    Richard x x x

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  13. IF, yew are quite right. But the place is really called Azincourt which is very confusing for anyone who is looking for Agincourt on a French map (as lots of people tend to do).

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  14. Kapgaf - I am coming over to your place tout de suite, you are far more interesting, and might I add, less aggravating and irritating in some ways than TC? If he ever mentions manger le lapin again I might vomir all over this blog!

    I only stick around here for the snippets abut the fascinating Hay, darling Richard d'IF, (of course), and for the caravans - In more ways than one... Caravan that is. I'll get me coat...

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  15. About, not abut, sorry!

    And you have no blog of your own, kapgaf - Quelle horreur! Pourquoi? You could even blog about your knitting, it would be more entertaining than TC's smoking, rather vaping, jackets...

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  16. Woman (I am sorely tempted to call you My Dear Woman in a very Mr Rochester kind of way just because it's probably the only chance I'll ever get to do such a thing). Thank you for your praise and I'll put the kettle or the coffee on. Dis-moi ce que tu préfères.
    As I told our Chairman when I sent him today's blog, I am someone who comments on other people's blogs because I'm too lazy to write my own. Besides, is it possible to write something interesting about knitting?

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  17. O.K. Chairman Bill can put you in charge any day.

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  18. Why thank you, Lakeviewer, that is most kind. Although obviously anyone who reads Margaret Atwood is bound to have good taste.

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  19. kapgaf, ooh, I would have Mr Rochester any day, and TC can pass as the Madwoman In The Attic, Richard as The Good Vicar, and Hay as Adele, non? Mine's a good French cafe creme, s'll vous plait?

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