Friday, 24 April 2009

Friday 24/04/09

Overheard in the Caravan:

The Chairman: “I’ll cook tonight.”
Hay: “Oh, that’s nice. What are you going to cook?”
The Chairman: “Salad and ham & chicken pie?”
Hay: “You mean that pie that’s already cooked and a cold salad?”


Hay: “You’re in denial.”
The Chairman: “No I’m not.”

I’ve heard it all now – a musical about the life of Jade Goody! Danny Hayward, Goody’s photographer and publicist, prior to Max Clifford coming on the scene, is in charge of the project. He’s said to be planning to hold auditions to fill the lead role. He said: "Jade was just an ordinary girl and the person who plays her will reflect that." That guarantees it will be instantly forgettable then. Mind you, I guess some mindless drones will pay to see it and swell the Goody coffers – as well as those of Hayward. The latest is that he intends turning the auditions into a reality TV show. Deep joy. Next it’ll be commemorative Jade Goody Burberry Check. It’s opportunism taken to extremes in the pursuit of fame and greed.

Am I the only person in the universe to have NOT seen the YouTube video of that Scottish singer Susan Boyle? I even had to look up her name as I couldn’t remember it. What’s all the fuss about? Is it suddenly fantastically rare to have a good singing voice? Is it perhaps more to do with the fact she’s plug ugly and plug ugly singers are not really allowed? It surely can’t be that; if the criteria for being a singer necessitated not having the looks of a pit-bull terrier or the sexual allure of a bag of nutty slack, most opera singers would be permanently out of work.

Can it be due to cynical media manipulation by Simon Cowell? You can’t tell me that her appearance on the Britain’s Got talent show was the first time Cowell had seen her perform. The man’s the creator of the show and his reputation for control freakery is legendary, as well as his unsparingly blunt appraisal of contestants’ physical appearances and the fact that he’s made a vast fortune from portraying himself as the man everyone loves to hate. Yes – this has all the hallmarks of a Simon Cowell Sycho production. How easily people can be manipulated into watching an orchestrated freak show – well, into watching anything.

A certain segment of the UK population is so engrossed in the utterly banal that if TV stations tapped into urban security CCTV networks and put the result on prime time TV, the audience figures would be phenomenal.

76 people, including children, have been blown to bits in Iraq. The only reason they were blown to smithereens is that they belonged to a different religious sect than the bombers, despite both sects believing in the same imaginary god. Sheer lunacy! It can’t be as simple as that though – there must be something else going on in the bombers’ heads for them to throw their lives away in this manner.

Here’s a random thought: I wonder whether computers ever lose patience with us. We’d never actually know, as they’re not programmed to show frustration. There could be millions and millions of computers around the world that are screaming inside their CPUs – perhaps they all communicate at night over the internet and complain about us to each other.

The government in the UK has reported an increase in burglary in the last quarter of 2008. Probably as a result of the credit crisis and recidivists coming up with their own solutions. However, the government also reported a decrease in overall crime. Never realised there was a market in stolen overalls.

In another announcement the government said it could save billions with efficiency savings in the public sector. That kind of begs the question as to why these efficiency savings weren’t made much earlier, like when there was no recession.

Scientists in South Korea have bred a cloned fluorescent dog – or rather several of them. Ruppy and four sibling beagles all produce a fluorescent protein that glows red under ultraviolet light and is visible in the skin and hair. If you don’t believe me, see the image below and read the story in New Scientist.

Useful for walking the dog in the dark or partially sighted people. Hey – what about hanging them in baskets along motorways as forms of illumination?

I wonder what The Sun newspaper would make of the story – “Boffins create Frankenstein dogs”.

Apple has withdrawn an iPhone game called Baby Shaker, the aim of which was to silence babies by shaking the iPhone. It sparked outrage from children's groups and brain injury foundations who called it deeply offensive. Jetta Bernier, executive director of Massachusetts Citizens for Children, said: "I am disheartened that with this new application Apple is encouraging frustrated adults to shake infants, not only to end their crying, but to end their lives." Why don’t these professionally deeply offended individuals get a life? Does he (or is it a she)? really think that people are stupid enough to shake babies after playing an iPhone game? Come to think of it, if the Jade Goody phenomenon and reality TV shows is anything to go by he’s (or she's) probably right – they are stupid enough.

Off up into Slackistan and visiting Blackpockrington tomorrow to have dinner with No 1 daughter and her fiancée, so no bloggies over the weekend, although I may leave you a little something to read in my absence.


  1. Did the scientists in South Korea borrow your left eye (see blog heading above)to experiment with the glowing red?...

  2. I haven't seen the singer on You Tube, although I have seen a photograph of her. I agree. She could do with a make-over.
    The situation in Iraq is merely the ongoing process of religious leaders, brainwashing the brainless fundamentalists. A paradox, I know, but so is religion.

  3. Jinksy: I'm transgenic.

    Belle: I heard something on the news this morning that she's been given a make-over. If one has no brain, how can one be brainwashed?

  4. Way too many thoughts here. I agree with your assessment of Simon Cowell and this new singer is just a ploy. As for the story about the Korean cloned dogs? Who cares?

  5. Lake: I do have a number - not all connected. Who cares about Korean cloned dogs? The Koreans - they want to ensure quality control in their food. If they're all identical, then that's quality control.

  6. That's why it's called a paradox.

  7. Belle: Ah - a paradox. I thought you said a pair of sox.

  8. I like the idea of screaming inside CPUs but when is it ever night on the internet ?

    And the dog illumination thing wouldn't work because just imagine the time it would take to feed all the dogs along a stretch of motorway and how much energy would be used to scoop the poop (even if it could perhaps be used as enzyme rich fertilzer). Still, if you hung the baskets near a wind farm, at some point I'm sure you could talk abou the shit hitting the fan....

    Have a great weekend.

  9. If Simon Cowell is involved, that poor woman is being used.

    And I can't even speak about that musical thing....ugh....

    Hey nice to meet you Chairman ;)

  10. The thought of Jade Goody the musical just makes me depressed.