Monday, 22 February 2010

The Psychic Abilities of Cats

Overheard in the caravan:

Hay: “How…….errr………errr. What was I going to say?”

Chairman: “How would I know? You might find this news an incredible shock, but unlike the vast majority of women we men are not actually psychic.”

Hay: “Mmmm - I already knew that.”

Later still.

Hay: “OW!”

Chairman: “What’s the matter?”

Hay: “I just hit my funny bone.”

Chairman: “Why aren’t you laughing then?”

Talking of psychic abilities, I’m convinced cats possess this faculty. I was watching Kitty as she was lying on our bed. She was staring at me and slowly waving her tail from side to side. A thought went through my head: “Your tail is giving you away.” She then averted her eyes and looked at her tail, stilled it, and then resumed trying to stare me out. Spooky!

Did you hear the story about the broadcaster Ray Gosling last week? He apparently smothered his terminally ill lover who was dying of AIDS in a hospital bed. Gosling said he saw the expression of pain on his lover’s face and felt compelled to act. I just hope the expression on his lover’s face wasn’t actually one of discomfort and a plea for Ray to fluff his pillows. No-one will ever know.

I’m not sure I should have invested in those 20,000 Ashley Cole chastity rings. I should have learned my lesson after having bought 1,000 Tiger Woods purity rings last year.

I was mucking about with my TomTom satnav yesterday and managed to install the voices of Darth Vader and Yoda. Can’t see me using Yoda’s voice much – it’s bloody confusing – “At the next junction turn left you must, then right turn you must.”

I think I’m being stalked by a bunch of Mossad agents.


  1. What I have difficulty in understanding is how Mr Gosling can be surprised when he was arrested for murder after confessing to murder on TV. But, there again, I have difficulty in understanding why anyone grown-up enough to work in the PM's office would need to phone a help-line to know how to react to bullying.

  2. My cat knew you were going to write this post.