Thursday, 25 February 2010

Anyone But Anthropomorphic Rolltop Concrete

A company selling "Anyone but England" T-shirts for this year's World Cup has rejected suggestions it is racist after police with a humour bypass in Aberdeen visited its store. A spokesman for Grampian Police (Anti Chuckle Division) said the force's visit to the Slanj store was not in response to any public complaint about the shirt slogan and was prompted by an officer acting on his own initiative. His own initiative? His own bloody idiocy more like! I’ve rarely heard anything more preposterous. I’d love this one to get to court and would gladly contribute to the defence costs. Mindless PC (in both senses) morons!

Apparently Gordon ‘Bully’ Brown has been sending kids to far flung places around the globe. Despicable behaviour! At least I presume he’s the one who sent them, else why would he apologise personally for the action. Having said that I’m a bit confused as to how he or his government actually achieved this feat, as most of the kids are in their 50s and Bully Brown is himself 59. I guess the government has some quantum time votex at its disposal, sent these people back in time and rejuvenated them for good measure.

How would you feel if you’d been damaged by some bugger when a kid and then 40 years later some 3rd party who was totally unconnected to the perpetrators apologised to you on their behalf? I’d be a bit I guess it’s to do with the warped Chrsitian concept of original sin and a jealous God visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation, only in this case parliament is the father and politicians of every hue the sons down to the fourth generation.

Bristol councillors turned down a planning application for a power station that burns palm oil. The reason given was palm oil being environmentally unfriendly, but I think the real reason is the failure of this year’s Bristol palm oil crop. You should see the vast acres of palm trees lining the river Avon – beautiful. As Hay said, “If palm oil is environmentally unfriendly, then why did the council grant us planning permission for our foundations, as concrete is just about the most environmentally unfriendly substance in the known universe - after Katie Price’s foundation of course.”

A well-known block of concrete.

Only in England…. Yesterday a bomb sniffer dog called Treo was awarded a medal for – well, for doing what he’s trained to do and thinks is a fun game. Treo is totally oblivious to the fact that he’s the first animate object to get blown up if he accidentally treads on a bomb while thinking it’s something to play with. I somehow suspect he’d be more satisfied with a pat on the head, a kilo of raw steak and a shag than an anthropomorphic medal. The English (especially) have a strange relationship with their animals that the rest of the world finds hard to comprehend. One wonders when we’ll see Treo starring in pantomime up and down the country.

Last night we were watching a wonderfully sentimental documentary about a killer whale called Luna who lived for three years in a Canadian fijord before finally being ‘accidentally’ turned into sashimi by a tug boat’s propeller. Luna was a local attraction and ‘befriended’ his visitors. There were moves by the Canadian government to have him shipped off to Seaworld 'for his own protection'. I awoke this morning to read about a keeper at Seaworld having been ‘accidentally’ killed by a performing killer whale. We take one of theirs and they take one of ours.

Why do possessive pronouns, such as theirs and ours, not have possessive apostrophes? English can be such an illogical language.

Apparently scientists have confirmed global warming is anthropomorphic, but not from CO2 emissions. It would seem that the root cause is the ageing demographic of the world’s population and the vast increase in farts from pensioners.

I’ll leave you with a little video of a new concept in laptops – the rolltop. Can’t see it taking off as it would be damned difficult stowing it in a briefcase (no-one carries just a laptop).

I do like the music though.


  1. I bet you are glad you got that lot off your mind.

  2. Alan: Randonm thoughts, random thoughts....

  3. I saw that story too in the Daily Mail and thought, duh, idiots..."killer" whale for a purpose.

    And what a block of concrete that Price thing is....

  4. I thought this post was about Rollmops! Not stupid Rolltops. Could just eat one right now.

    Surely its the Catholic Church that apologises not that alleged bully. xx

  5. came over via scarlet, sugar! fascinating collection of randomness on an otherwise dull day! xoxo

  6. Braja: NEVER publicly admit to reading the Daily Mail.

    Jenny: Allegedly.

    Savannah: Welcome to my world. Be afriad; be very afraid!