Thursday, 23 June 2011

Musical Mandarin Cocktail


Millions of Amy Winehouse fans are incandescent that she has cancelled her European pub crawl, denying them the chance to watch a car-crash stage performance rivalling that of Olly Reed at his most inebriated.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists says people over 65 should drink a maximum of only 1.5 units of alcohol a day - that is the equivalent of just over about half a pint of beer or a small glass of wine. Are these people mad? It's precisely the over 65s who need copious quantities of alcohol to enable them to cope with the Nanny State continually telling them what's good for them, rather than letting them get on with taking a few risks with their worthless and gin-soaked lives before dying of some hideous disease or physical abuse in a care home.

The Chairman has learned that Britain's Whitehall mandarins have lost their battle to have their salaries kept secret; however, Chairman Bill demands to know why our civil service is being run by the Chinese.

There's a rumour going round that The Wombles, performing at Glasto this weekend, are in fact Robert Plant, Pete Townshend, Jason Bonham and Eric Clapton.

Spotted Pauline Prescott (Two Jags' wife) on TV last night presenting some programme or other about surrogacy. Talk about big, solid, sculpted hair and eyes like two crows that have flown into a chalk cliff. She should be in a soap as a pub landlady.


2 comments:

  1. Most over 65s I know drink 1.5 units an hour!

    "eyes like two crows that have flown into a chalk cliff" - marvellous, still giggling about that one!

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  2. 1.5 units is all you can afford on a pension anyway. Reminds me of a chap who "lived in" my local - the doctor told him to restrict his intake to two and a half pints a night; the said gent replied "Can I save 'em up and have seventeen-and-a-half pints on a Friday night. The doc was less than amused.

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