Thursday, 30 June 2011

New Self Defence Laws Please Daily Mail Readers


Sorry, I allowed my Wimbledon fever to get the better of me.

Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has said a householder who knifes a burglar will not have committed a criminal offence under plans to clarify the law on self-defence in England.

Daily Mail Readers up and down the country are now scouring inner-city areas for burglars who have been recently released from prison and tempting them with unlocked houses having notes saying; "Gone on holiday," pinned to the gatepost.

Teams of heavily baseball-bat-armed Daily Mail Readers will actually be lying in wait behind the front door, ready to beat any burglar to a bloody pulp.

I was at a conference in London on Tuesday. There comes a time in every man's life (usually just before he starts to pretend he's deaf) when he realises he should no longer wear light coloured trousers, just in case he disgraces himself in the urinals and doesn't notice it. Dark trousers hide a multitude of dribble sins.

And now something for my younger (and older) readers:

1 comment:

  1. What with forgetting the names of sports stars, pissing yourself, and being forced to accept certain realities regarding aerobics teachers, is there anything good about getting old?