Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Tuesday 09/06/09

Shock news as Labour is defeated in the Britain’s Got A Talented Prime Minster competition. Scottish singing sensation, Gordon Brown, had his party knocked into 3rd place in the European Meaningless Elections, which now disqualifies him from entering the Big Brother Parliament, where he would have had to perform silly and impossible feats like stopping his traitorous MPs running around like headless chickens while stabbing him in the back, single-handedly recovering the economy from the worst recession since the war and balancing 23 spinning plates on sticks while singing the Nessun Dorma aria from Puccini’s Turandot.

When the traitorous Labour MPs were asked where they differed with Gordy on policy they looked stumped and started to commit mass suicide by swallowing their expense chits. They moaned that they’d lost confidence in Gordy as their leader, while not recognising the startling and mind-numbingly obvious fact that the country had actually lost confidence in them due to their ridiculous Prima Donna posturing, outrageous self-pity, delusional arrogance, gross misuse of public funds and tendency to self-implode when not given what they want.

On being asked to elaborate on Conservative party policies, David Cameron smiled enigmatically and neatly side-stepped the difficult question by attacking the policies of all parties (including those he voted for) and accusing Gordon Brown of not being fit to run a bath, let alone the country.

Some fascist git with a conviction for Holocaust denial and incitement to racial hatred came from nowhere to gain 6th place, but vowed to do better following a beer hall putsch in Minehead.

One unemployed BNP voter complained that jobs were going to Poles, Czechs and Hungarians rather than British people. When asked whether he would work on a Lidl checkout, wash cars or pick fruit for the minimum wage, he replied: “Not on your Nellie – that’s wog work. I wouldn’t get out of bed or leave the pub for less than £10 an hour.”

Benefit fraud – we’re closing in.

David Blunket injured in cow attack. Apparently the cow is OK, despite the ferocious and unprovoked attack by the blind MP for Sheffield.





7 comments:

  1. Please can we have more posts like Saturday's - which give me something to argue with you about!

    Richard x x x

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  2. I hear Gordy has been booked into the Priory, suffering from a bad dose of humility. Before he left, he did promise a packed room in the House of Commons that he would try harder to look more sincere when discussing party policies.
    Morning Richard. Nice to see you back.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. I see that there is a report out today which says that 1 in 5 deaths in the UK are smoking related and that Smoking costs the NHS 5% of it's income (£5bn) but I then checked and smoking brought in £10.1bn (in 06/07) in revenue.

    Just a thought

    Richard x x x

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  5. Gordon's habit of sucking in his lower lip gets on my nerves.

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  6. Oh please, stop whining about British politics or I'll sick the poison dwarf on you (but we'll keep his missus and maybe have her try for the Eurovision song cock-up next year - she should get the sympathy vote of quite a few countries).

    Best news ? The IF posted a comment. But he said "please", which makes him Fairy Nuff in my book.

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  7. Which leads me to conclude it would be infinitely more entertaining if Simon Cowell was PM. At least we can be sure he'd never sing Nessun Dorma.

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