Thursday, 18 June 2009

Thursday 18/06/09

Headline news! Obama swats insect! Whatever next? – Obama scratches nose?

Talking of insects, am I alone in thinking the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, looks as seedy as a pomegranate? The man simply oozes seediness in the same way David Cameron oozes smarminess. I swear the man doesn’t own a single tie.

While looking for images of Ahmadinejad with a tie (which drew a blank) I discovered that he actually adheres to a ruling by Grand Ayatollah Khamenei, who when asked about his view on the wearing of ties said: “Generally speaking, it is not permissible to wear a tie, or other kinds of clothes that are considered as the attire of non-Muslims, in such a way that their wearing will promote vile Western culture.” So I guess the Grand Ayatollah isn’t exactly a fan of Nike and doesn’t wear Calvin Klein’s under his Demis Roussos designer kaftan.

The Reform group claims that the British A-level exam has become a "hollow preparation" for university by undermining independent study and original thought. Ministers responded by saying the new A* grade would address concerns. Whatever next? A whole plethora of additional A grades comprising all the upper characters from the top row of the average keyboard? How about the A% grade, the A^ or the A ;0) grade? I’m particularly enamoured with the concept of an A? grade, which I think just about sums up the entire sorry state of affairs in education.

Following hard on the heels of announcements from the US that there will be sweeping banking reforms, it’s been reported that Mervyn King, the governor of the Bank of England, wants greater powers. How about invisibility, super-strength and X-ray vision?

It just had to happen and no-one can possibly say they didn’t see it coming. Katie Price (aka Jordan) and Peter Andre (aka Cyprus) are in talks for rival reality shows which will follow them throughout their separation. The words cynical and manipulation come to mind, as well as terminally and dull. Only the brain dead can possibly be interested in the tawdry lives of these self-publicists and believe that the tripe they are fed has any bearing on reality.

While I have to admire the fact this couple is raking in a fortune from the mindless drones who pay to read about them and watch their programmes, they are doing so at a devastating cost – the privacy of their kids. Mind you, if it’s only for a few years until the hoi polloi moves on to another C list celebrity who’s willing to prostitute his or her self for the scabrous public’s insatiable appetite for venerating shit, then perhaps it may just be worth it in the long run. They’ll certainly never have to work again – not that you can remotely classify what they’re doing as work.

Had an idea yesterday; I pay just over £1 per litre for domestic use LPG for the caravan, whereas LPG for the car is less than half that price. What I need to do is to fabricate a hookup from the car’s LPG tank to the caravan’s gas supply. The only problem is that I need to be able to park next to the caravan - which given it’s now in the middle of a field could be somewhat impractical. I suppose I could get a few car PLG tanks and fill them up at the filling station in rotation. I’d still need a regulator of some description to step down the pressure.

The hire car company collected the VW Passat hire car yesterday. Why in the name of God do the powers that be allow cars to be trimmed in black leather? The damned thing was impossible to enter on a hot day and I had to start it and leave the aircon running for 15 minutes before daring to sit in the seats or touch the steering wheel. I’d just open the door on a sunny day and be greeted by a blast of superheated air from the interior. Surely trimming out a car’s interior in anything darker than a light grey must be in direct contravention of some international human rights legislation? I swear that if you were to put kids or a dog into the conditions I found in the VW on entry I’d be prosecuted by the NSPCC or RSPCA.

Here’s a question that’s been on my mind for a while. Has Hilary Clinton recently undergone silicone cheek and chin augmentation?


  1. Unfortunately there's no dearth of the thick and the braindead who will turn their mind numbing sets on to watch those two idiots live out their boring, painful lives onscreen.

    And then there's Katie and Pete....

  2. Yes. I must say. Hilary is looking more and more like a chipmunk everyday. I loved the pomegranate analogy. And yes - could anyone be more smarmy than our David? Except perhaps Roger Moore.

  3. Louise: The A£ would be the one you get in private schools.

    Braja: Nice one!

    Belle: St Roger of the animated eyebrow?

  4. Yesterday's news here in the US said that PETA, the animal rights org., had sent Obama bin Laden a humane bug trap, suggesting he might want to stop killing bugs.