Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Geriatric Care


As we are living longer, but becoming more decrepit, and our kids don't want to be bothered by our dribbling and incontinence or pay someone to look after us - but still want what they see as their inalienable birthright (aka the parental home) - the government has come up with a new Care For the Elderly Plan that will give "peace of mind"....... to our kids.

The ageing will be subject to an annual test; providing they are capable of living on 30p a day and are able to live without expiring of hypothermia in a room set to a moderately warm 10 degrees centigrade, then they will be returned home. Those failing the test will be shipped to Svalbard and left in some dilapidated tents to undergo a reasonably swift and painless death - certainly a lot less painful and drawn out than being stuffed in a care home run by indifferent ex-SS guards that charges three times the weekly room-rate of the Ritz Hotel (or the equivalent of putting a child through Eton) in exchange for a broom cupboard and being waterboarded once a week.

This will not only be more cost-effective for the government, but kids will still inherit their parents' houses - which is what is essentially at the heart of the problem with oldies; kids want to foist the care of their parents on to the government, but aren't prepared to sell off the parental house (which ain't the kids' in the first place) to pay for it. What the kids don't seem to realise is that the cost will come back to bite them in the bum in the form of additional taxes at sometime in the future - there's no such thing as a free lunch.

When people used to die in their late 50s, 60s or early 70, it wasn't an issue - they had the good grace to kick the bucket while still reasonably mobile and healthy (in a manner of speaking). These days we can look forward to almost a decade of blissful dementia, mobility scooters (unless demented - although I'm not so sure with the way some are driven) and being spoon-fed thin, watery gruel.

Do you think that Pope Benny has resigned in order to retire to the UK and take advantage of our superior geriatric healthcare system?




6 comments:

  1. Two domestic issues have posed a challenge for the Government recently, as you well know. The Horse meat saga and care for the elderly. We could simply be sent off to the food processors for burger, lasagne etc.., when we can no longer look after ourselves and after our demise we can be recycled

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    1. Do you remember the film, Soylent Green?

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    2. Hang on in there Comrade. Your turn will come as a surprise.

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  2. Has TTOCB become a musical? (or even worse, an opera) Most of the posts over the last week seem to have a musical track attached. It reminds me of the Nursing Home my poor mother finished up in where they would play endless tapes of "Sing Something Simple" with the Mike Sarmes Singers. After a few months of that you were willing to move on to other places.

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    1. It's an attempt to link a musical theme to the subject of the post. Failed?

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