Saturday, 27 February 2016

A Bright Idea in Trousers


Hay: "Shall we go to Owl Pen?"

Chairman: "That's a breakfast cereal!"

Hay: "Owl Pen, not Alpen!

Wanted a light bulb yesterday - nightmare! Time was you could go to a local shop and simply choose a 40W, 60W, 100W or 150W bulb from the only fixture available - the bayonet fitting. Ubiquitous and simple. Now I have some 4 or 5 different fittings - large screw-in, small screw-in, bayonet, GU10, etc. The blame lies fairly and squarely with IKEA - and quite possibly the EU. Bastards!

While Hay was taking some item of clothing back to Next, she caught me browsing the men's trousers and persuaded me to try a pair on. The item selected was a pair of dark blue chinos, 34 regular with button fly (not my favourite) and slim-fit. I swear Next make these for deformed people who have no calf muscles; the damned things grabbed my calves in a vice-like grip such that the minute I stood up from a sitting position said trousers were at half mast. Of course you can't bend down to pull the bottoms down, as the mere act of bending over keeps them short. Don't younger people have rugby player legs? Are they all androgynes? As if it isn't already a problem that modern pockets aren't deep enough to retain change when sat down or back pockets are half way down your leg...

1 comment:

  1. Similar problem in M&S: tried on a pair of 36 long, waist won't do up by a good 2" (other pairs OK). Male assistant with tape measure round his neck (don't know why, never saw it deployed) informed me that they were a small 36. I informed him that he was a bloody fool, 36 inches is 36 inches and can be neither less nor more. We left the shop with my wife complaining that I had showed her up and that women have this problem all the time. Her clothes vary from size 10 to size 14. Can't the EU standardise these things? Maybe not.