Friday, 4 December 2009

Ho, Bloody Ho!


Here’s a time-saving tip that I’ve introduced at work. Rather than buying every bugger at work a Christmas card, put out an announcement that everyone should chuck £5 (or whatever in your local denomination) into a kitty and give it to the charity of your choice. Everyone will be delighted they don’t have to sit there for hours writing several dozen Christmas cards to people they don’t necessarily like and which will simply litter the office. We’ve raised £80 this way, which is a damned sight more than the charities would get from the sale of 240 charity Christmas cards once their costs had been taken into account.

Damned sight – interesting expression. Comes from the archaic expression ‘damn your eyes’. Once your eyes are damned you have damned sight.

A fake Christmas tree in Poole, Dorset, has been vandalised. Now the fake eyesore was installed by the local council under health and safety grounds; however, before we start banging on about the clipboard army of H&S advisors who ruin everything from bonfire parties to school trips, consider that the old traditional tree had a very real, although small, risk of toppling over and injuring someone. Given the litigious nature of people these days, it would be entirely likely that if it fell on some random arsehole layabout who permanently exists on social security, and he or she would probably sue the council for millions, despite suffering no more than a light dusting of pine needles and a bruised ego. I’d rather have a fake Christmas tree than line the ermine-trimmed pockets of the no-win-no-fee brigade and someone who is not prepared to accept a Christmas tree on the head and a broken neck in the spirit of the season.



9 comments:

  1. I never now which is more apocryphal - the Christmas Story or the Health and Safety Story.

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  2. I would love to comment but have been thrown by Alan's use of the word apocryphal - no idea what that means. I'll get me coat.

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  3. Kabbalah: It's a form of anthracite. Burns really well.

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  4. Do men write Christmas cards then? I have never met one who does it is usually the wife/girlfriend. The men in our office who don't have these don't send cards.
    I am sorry that tree was asking for it but I do agree about the no-win-no-fee brigade. Don't you just hate those adds that start " Had an accident? Not your fault?"...It's a bloody accident so why does it have to be someones fault?

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  5. But surely you miss lovingly writing out cards for Paul in Accounts or someone. And keeping a box of spare cards in your drawer - how i miss that!

    Christmas 1994, I thought Sod it and never sent anyone in the office a card again (except boss - pratt!) xxxx

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  6. I hate sending Christmas cards. This year I'm not doing it. I travel a thousand miles to visit those I would've mailed cards to. So I'll just walk in and say "Merry Christmas, here's your card".

    Is that tacky or what!

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  7. I actually rather enjoy writing Christmas cards. The idea of giving the money you would spend on cards to charity is a nice one. Unfortunately, in my experience people put considerably less into the charity pot than they would have spent on cards. Bah humbug indeed.

    On the subject of the dreaded H&S, I suspect that a lot of large organisations use Health and Safety as an excuse for being mean. We've got a real Christmas tree swaying in the breeze in the centre of Ipswich. Presumably we have different H&S laws in this part of the country.

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  8. Liz: I don't think it's a law, merely a precaution against rate payers having to sell out for litigants. You must obviously have a rich council.

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