Wednesday, 2 December 2009

'Tis The Season

I learned yesterday that the town a couple of miles down the road, Yate, had its Christmas lights turned on by Peter Andre. That just about sums up Yate.

Portishead chose Nigel Parker, a local Homebase shop assistant who is apparently one of the nicest men on the planet and renowned for his customer service skills and general cheeriness. An excellent choice!

I’m waiting for Old Sodbury to choose this old sod to switch on their single Christmas candle. My offer to play the part of Baby Jesus in the school nativity was turned down for some inexplicable reason. Probably ageism.

We’re having an extended family Christmas dinner up the road at The Dog on the evening of the 23rd, which is a bit of a pisser for the poor bastard who gets to receive my blood donation that I’m due to give on Christmas Eve. Just hope it’s some old wino.

We’ve booked a barn in the back end of beyond in Cornwall for the New Year week. It will probably be pissing down with rain and a howling gale will be blowing. Deep joy! At least I’ll have one of my young sons with me and the rest of Hay’s family. Last year we had a house in St Ives for the Christmas week and it was idyllic. This place is on a country road, meaning you can’t even go for a walk without risking being mown down by traffic.

To finish, here’s a topical cooking tip from The Chairman. For a really succulent and moist turkey this Christmas (unless you’re from out American colonies, in which case you’ll have had more than enough turkey already) give it a good colonic irrigation before cooking. Bon app├ętit.


  1. I vote for Nigel, i wonder if he will pop round for my lights.
    We are going to a hotel this year in Cornwall for Christmas so if it is howling and pissing it down we will both be wet. we go home for New Year so maybe it will perk up for you then, as I usually tend to drag the bad weather with me.

  2. Live 'im's about the only thing he CAN turn on.

  3. Think M&S does that for you Bill. Turkey-wise.

    Now, you could do a lot worse than Peter Andre you know! We had Vince Cable, the spineless git!

  4. Kerrie: I hesitate to think what else you drag in your wake!

    Btaja:Indubitably. Up Bombay!

    Jen: Did you watch Delia last night?

  5. Mate... I am in a quandry !

    You spout agnostic comments at every available moment... yet you use a capital C in christmas !

    I know your litterary skills are paramount BUT please.. be the solid pillar that we all aspire to.

  6. Phil: (I assume that's you, Nicholas - what time you coming round tonight?) Christmas is a holiday, like Bank Holiday or New Year, and thus deserves capitalisation.

  7. well you just texted me so you know.....

    Next year.. after your bloody Capitalistic moneylaudering, public theft, "kin Holiday !


    why is it a holiday though... Its the best day of the year for income at my place.

    HumBug.. HumBug...