Thursday, 7 January 2010

The Chairman's Election Manifesto


  1. Votes only for those having attained a minimum educational level. People who vote on important issues concerning the public finances without understanding the basics of mathematics are using their vote fraudulently.
  2. MPs who fail to deliver on political manifesto promises to be barred from standing for public office for a period of 10 years.
  3. A minimum age limit of 40 on all people who wish to stand for parliament.
  4. Outlaw strikes. If you don’t like the conditions of employment, find another job. Unions were useful when people were not as mobile as they now are; today unions are an anachronism.
  5. State pension only for those earning below £15,000 p.a. All others to fund their own pensions.
  6. All drugs to be legalised. Our existing drugs policy causes most of the drug problems and crime we have today.
  7. Outlaw competition between schools – all schools in the state sector should be of the same quality. If a school is not up to scratch, sack the failing teachers. Working for the state should not be a guarantee of a job for life.
  8. Take all public schools (UK nomenclature) into the state sector.
  9. If you have a complaint against the NHS, there must be a mandatory cooling-off period of 6 months.
  10. At the age of 18 all people to be given a choice between private and NHS treatment. No change is allowed thereafter.
  11. Child benefit to be means tested and payable only to those who are on minimum wage or unemployed.
  12. All religions to be subject to truth-in-advertising laws.
  13. All call-centres outside our national boundaries to be outlawed. Also all call-centres not responding within 2 minutes to be heavily fined.
  14. No divorces will be granted without prior mediation.
  15. All legal services involving the courts (especially those involving family courts) to be free at the point of delivery.
  16. If you go in a home for the elderly your offspring are liable for all fees. If they are unwilling to pay, then all your assets are liquidated and your kids get nothing.
  17. All employed people to take out compulsory personal liability insurance.
  18. All reality TV programmes to be banned.


7 comments:

  1. Message to all Chairman Bill readers : As we approach the election I am aware that there have been rumblings of discontent privately expressed amongst some Chairman B readers as to whether the current Chairman is the best person to lead us into the up-coming General Election. Following the publication of this manifesto I call for a secret ballot to be held amongst all readers to determine this issue once and for all.

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  2. Alan: In the immortal words of Kenneth Williams; "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it infamy."

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  3. Well as a follower of the Chairman I'm just going to get on with my work, "business as usual"!

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  4. 'Nuff said ...... You've got my vote! However, I think it should be for President - let's get rid of Parliament in its present form entirely.

    How does Hay feel about being First Lady?

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  5. Wonderful ideas, but never happen because it's plain commonsense which doesn't happen in politics.

    AV

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  6. I like #4. Reminds me of our dear President Reagan who fired all the Air Traffic Controllers when they went on strike. Best President we ever had.

    I'd vote for you. But you know how I feel about that evolution crap. We'd have to agree to disagree on that one.

    You can add if you collect public assistance you must submit to random drug testing.



    #13: you mean I can't talk to Elvis in India anymore.

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  7. Joy: You should never agree to disagree on truth. I'd advise you to read Christopher Hitchens' The Portable Atheist to disabuse yourself of adhering to ancient myths, but I know you wouldn't read it as it's a sad fact that religious people don't like facing up to truth as it destroys the faith on which they have come to rely. Just reading the bible shows up a myriad contradictions that show it is a work of pure fiction from a barbaric past.

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