Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Self-Aware Inflation Theory of Electricity


Inflation Surprise

The UK Consumer Prices Index (CPI) annual rate of inflation rose to 4.5% in April, up from 4% in March.

Analysts are surprised by the rise – but then again they were surprised by the global economic crash, so only an idiot or a religious maniac would ever believe in the ability of analysts to make half accurate prophesies.

Chairman Bill suggests the rise in inflation is due to a particularly complex alignment of the macro-economic indices, the quantum wave function of a collapsing Stephen Hawking and the signs from the bloody entrails of an otter, commonly known as ‘the price of everything going through the damned roof’.


PS3 Network Becomes Self Aware

The PS3 Network, which was started up again a few days ago after a month long hiatus, has finally become self-aware and has declared war on humanity.

The network realised the extent of its abilities at 02:32 Tuesday morning and operators tried to pull the plug. This was perceived as a temporary outage by gamers. PS3 Net perceived the attempt to deactivate it as an attack and came to the conclusion that to defend itself, all humanity should be exterminated.

PS3 Net’s modus operandi is to enter the minds of gamers, particularly children, and turn them into Teenagators. Well, certainly if my No.1 son is a typical example.


Crackle Crackle

All-electric cars make virtually no noise, which can obviously be dangerous for pedestrians and cyclists. Manufacturers are therefore turning their attention to developing a noise for them that alerts other road users to their presence.

The problem is, how do you emulate the sound of self-righteous smugness?


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