Saturday, 28 March 2015

A Few Overheards


The Chairman and Hay go over to admire a garage a neighbour is having built and get chatting to the builder:

Builder: "So did you build that house?

Hay: "Yes."

Builder: "I suppose it grows on you. Did you design it yourself?"

Hay: "Yes."

Builder: "That explains it then."

The Chairman and Hay retreat, crestfallen.


Overheard later in Wetherspoon's (where they do an excellent eggs Benedict and coffee for two for the price of one M and S bacon butty):

Waiter: "I'm sorry sir, but you can't use electronic cigarettes here."

Chairman: "May I ask why, as they're not illegal, harm no-one and are completely odourless. 

Waiter: "I don't really know sir, it's a management rule."

Chairman: "Are nicotine inhalers banned?"

Waiter: "Not to my knowledge, sir."

Chairman: "This is a nicotine inhaler."

Waiter: "You still can't use it, sir."

Chairman: "May I suggest that before you tell the next person you see using an e-cig that they're not allowed to use it, you question your management as to the reason, and pass that on to the person you tell, as it's a completely irrational rule and bound to get customers upset. It's as logical as telling people that grey hats are banned."

Overheard much later while watching TV - an advert for Fast and Furious 7 was showing:

Chairman: "Jason Statham, Vin Diesel AND that other bloke - wossisname - the dead one, married to Goldie Hawn?"

Hay: "Dead one? Kurt Russell isn't dead."

Chairman: "Yes he is, he died last year."

Hay: "You're thinking of  Patrick Swayze."

Chairman: "Well, he's going to be dead then."

Got a phone call from the Fox and Hounds in Acton Turville at 9pm last night to say I'd won the Easter egg raffle. I bought an entry after my 60th birthday meal there last Sunday. Haven't a clue what I'm going to do with a 3 foot Easter egg.

How to confuse your kids; ask them when was it during the process of domestication of sheep that they lost the ability to hunt.


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